Billie Eilish Recalls Feeling ‘Anger’ Toward Her Appearance After Hip Injury: My Body Was ‘Gaslighting’ Me

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“Going through my teenage years of hating myself and all that stupid sh-t, a lot of it came from my anger toward my body,” Billie Eilish says in a January 2023 interview with Vogue, “and how mad I was at how much pain it’s caused me, and how much I’ve lost because of things that happened to it.” Billie, 21, pointed out that she suffered a growth plate injury in her hip when she was 13, dashing her hopes as a dancer. “I got injured right after we made ‘Ocean Eyes’ [in 2015], so music kind of replaced dancing.”

What followed was “years of subsequent lower body injuries, and just as many misdiagnoses,” according to Vogue. Billie would eventually discover through her movement coach, Kristina Cañizares, that her pains and aches could be attributed to a condition called hypermobility. Treatments that generally help people – like certain massages – could hurt Billie. “I felt like my body was gaslighting me for years,” Eilish told Vogue. “I had to go through a process of being like, My body is actually me. And it’s not out to get me.”

While Billie was open about her own body issues in the 2023 Vogue feature, the point of the cover was to discuss the “My Future” singer’s environmental efforts. Billie “invited a group of young climate activists and organizers to join her for a day of conversation about the future of the planet” for the magazine’s first-ever video cover.

“I don’t want to be parading around like, Look at me! I’m making a difference,” Billie says of her efforts. “I just want to be making the difference and shutting the f-ck up about it. … I shouldn’t be making any products. I shouldn’t be selling anything. It’s just more sh-t to go into the landfill one day. I know that. But no one’s going to stop wearing clothes. No one’s going to stop making stuff. So I just do it in the best way I possibly can.”

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While her hip injury derailed her ambitions of becoming a professional dancer, Billie continues to embrace her body’s movement whenever possible. On Dec. 29, she posted an Instagram gallery full of different moments from her “life,” including a clip of her dancing along to Justin Bieber’s song “Right Here.”