The series finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, which was filmed two months before Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kanye West, featured the 40-year-old contemplating the big decision. Kris Jenner was worried that Kim wasn’t doing well because she was keeping so much bottled up, but Kim assured her she was “totally fine”. The reason she had been so private about the issues she was having with Kanye was because she was seeing a therapist to talk about the problems, rather than going to her family like usual.
During the conversation, Kim revealed the moment when she started questioning whether or not she wanted to be with Kanye anymore. “Just waking up at 40 and realizing….I just want total happiness,” she admitted. “I know, obviously, complete bliss is not a full reality, but if I can have it more of the majority of the time, that’s all I want to do. Wherever that takes me, I just want my pure happiness. That’s what I’m working on — figuring out how to get there.”
Kim explained that, up until that point, she felt completely fulfilled by having her four kids, even if Kanye wasn’t around most of the time. However, she eventually realized that that wasn’t a life she wanted to live. “I never thought I was lonely,” she revealed. “I always thought it was totally fine — I can just have my kids, and my husband moves from state to state and I’m on this ride with him. I [was] okay with that. But after turning 40 this year, I realized….no. I don’t want a husband that lives in a completely different state.”
For the last few years, Kanye has been spending most of his time in Wyoming, which clearly began taking a toll on Kim, because her life was in California. The bigger issue, though, was that the two were “getting along the best” when they were in two different states. “That’s sad to me,” she confirmed. “That’s not what I want.”
She then listed off some of the things that she was looking for in a relationship, which Kanye had never provided. “I want someone [who has] the same shows in common [as me],” she revealed. “I want someone who wants to workout with me. Every day, Khloe [Kardashian], Tristan [Thompson] and I would work out at 6:00 a.m. and I was third wheeling for eight months in quarantine and I was so envious of [them]. I was like, ‘Wow, it’s the little things that I don’t have.'”
Of course, there were things that Kanye provided that no one else will ever be able to, but Kim started to move on past needing those luxuries in her life. “I have all the big things [with Kanye],” she admitted. “I have the extravagance, everything you could possibly imagine, and no one will ever do it like that. I know that. I’m grateful for those experiences, but I think I’m ready for the smaller experiences that I think will mean a lot.”
Kim confirmed that she hadn’t made any “final decisions” about divorce just yet, but fans know that she wound up filing in mid-February. Luckily, she was already looking at it with an optimistic attitude in December. “I do know that I will be happy,” she concluded. “I didn’t come this far just to come this far and not be happy.”