Tana Mongeau is continuing to be her “most honest self” in a new YouTube video, which she posted on March 31. The video, which is titled, “Letting You In On The Truth About MTV, Depression + A Life Update,” delves into Tana’s struggle with mental health. She explained that 2019 was the “worst” year of her life in terms of mental health, even though things were going so well on the outside (she married Jake Paul and her YouTube presence skyrocketed more than ever before).
The Internet star explained that she was filming the video to clear up the way she was portrayed on her MTV reality show, MTV No Filter: Tana Mongeau. In the video, Tana opened up about taking pills, and admitted that she took scary amounts of Xanax while filming the show. “I was definitely taking enough to where, I wasn’t trying to kill myself, but I definitely didn’t care if I died,” she admitted. She explained that she “crumbled” at the end of 2019, which was around the time she began having issues in her relationship with Jake.
“I think by the end of 2019, I had beaten myself up in every way possible, where I wasn’t even a person,” she said. “I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself. I did not want to live.” She added, “I knew that if I didn’t change something, I was going to die. Whether it was from a drug overdose, complete exhaustion, or letting my suicidal thoughts get the best of me. Or, if I didn’t take care of my health to the point of no return.”
Watch Tana’s full emotional confession in the video above. She also discusses her difficult upbringing, keeping her struggles bottled inside for so long, and much more.