Demi Moore Reveals She Weighed Just 96 Lbs. After Ashton Kutcher’s 2 Affairs: ‘I Felt Like Giving Up’

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Demi Moore is extremely candid about her marriage to Ashton Kutcher in her new memoir, Inside Out, including the most painful times in their relationship. Of course, that included the actor’s two affairs, which were widely reported in the tabloids at the time that they happened. Ashton’s first indiscretion, according to Demi, happened after she started drinking and taking pills again, which followed a miscarriage and her struggle to get pregnant. Demi revealed that she was working on a movie in New York when news broke that Ashton had cheated on her with a 21-year-old woman.

“I remember the night they met,” Demi recalled. “We were at a bowling alley with [my daughter] Rumer [Willis], and when he went to switch our shoes, she gave him her number on a napkin. Or that’s what he told me at the time. When we got home that night and he showed it to me, I said, ‘That is just gross. We were there with our kid and she was there with her mother and her sister!’ I had a visceral response — it was revulsion. So the fact that he then pursued her felt like a real ‘f*** you.'” Right after the news broke, Demi and Ashton were scheduled to make an appearance at the Clinton Global Initiative, which they had been planning for months. She decided to go through with it as if nothing was wrong.

After the trip east, Demi said she and Ashton decided to drive back to Los Angeles together so they could talk things out privately. “I was strangely flooded with shame; I couldn’t shake the feeling that this whole thing was somehow my fault,” she revealed. She also revealed that Ashton justified the cheating because Demi had agreed to have threesomes with him. “Ashton said, that blurred the lines,” Demi wrote. “I think he felt remorse, but he was also looking for a way to deflect blame, to maintain his own perception of himself as a decent family guy.”

The 56-year-old also admitted that she felt that Ashton cheated “as a way to get out of [the] marriage,” because he didn’t know a better way to do so. Despite the infidelity, though, Demi did not leave the actor. “I’d become so dependent on Ashton — I was addicted to him, is the best way I can put it,” she said. “And I did all the things that addicts do. I prioritized my addiction over my needs and the needs of my family. I made strange, unconvincing justifications for my behavior — and his.”

Demi was still “desperate” to have a baby with her husband at that point, and finally agreed to use an egg donor. They were in the midst of filling out paperwork for the process when Ashton told her that he didn’t want to go through with it. They agreed to go to therapy and work on things, but nothing changed, according to Demi. “He didn’t really want to work on our relationship,” she alleged. “He didn’t want us to have sex or be at all physical anymore. He was done. I was still very much in our marriage, but I was in it alone now.”

After that, Ashton went to a bachelor party, and Demi was in New York when she received the news alert that he had been caught cheating…again. “‘Are you f***ing kidding me?’ is what came out of my mouth when he picked up the phone,” Demi wrote. “By which I meant, how dumb can you get? Did you want to get caught? (The truth is, yes, on a subconscious level, he probably did.” Ashton didn’t deny the cheating at all, and that November, he finally moved out.

Following the split, Demi was left completely broken, and it resulted in a major weight loss. “I couldn’t eat,” she admitted. “I shrank down to ninety-six pounds. Skeletal. I started getting blinding headaches. My body hurt all over, and inside of it, my heart was broken. I felt like giving up.” She started turning to drugs once again after that, but eventually made the decision to get treatment and turn her life around.