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If you want to be the star of this year’s secret Santa, we’ve got you covered. — Well, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s really got you covered. Her 2020 Goop gift guide is your one-stop shop for the most wild presents this holiday season. The actress turned business mogul, 48, is known for selling outrageous items on her wellness website, which made headlines in January when Gwyneth introduced Goopers to a $75 “vagina” candle.
In addition to the unique candle — which she says smells like a mix of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes, juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed” — Gwyneth has another vagina item up for sale. And, it’s cheaper! The “This Smells Like My Vagina Roll-On” perfume (a play off of her famous candle) is $45. Goop says it will leave you smelling “sexy” and “sophisticated.” There’s a scent for everybody, such as the $75 “This Smells Like My Prenup” candle, or the $103 “This Smells Like My Orgasm” candle.
Check out more of Gwyneth’s items in this year’s Goop gift guide, and if you feel like taking a walk on the wild side, shop them — right here, right now:
1. A Goop x Avocado $38,000 Mattress
You read the price right. Gwyneth’s Goop brand partnered with Avocado Green Mattress on what they describe as “the trip to the moon of beds” — aka, a $38,000 Goop x Avocado mattress. Gwyneth explains the partnership in a description that recognizes how “ridiculous” this item (and possibly its price point) is. “We applied incredibly luxurious, ethically sourced GOTS-certified organic materials to a need that’s as essential as food, air, and water: sleep,” she says, later adding, “So if it’s an out-of-this-world experience on a climate-neutral bespoke mattress you’re after, this is it. And yes, we know. It’s ridiculous — but awesome!” $38,000, Goop
2. A Sex Journal For Couples
If you and your significant other enjoy journaling your most intimate moments, this $26 Couples Sex Journal is the perfect gift. Since it’s such a niche item, Gwyneth was nice enough to provide some directions as to when it should be used. “This journal is designed to be picked up right after sex,” the Goop site reads, explaining that “in each entry, you fill out a set of prompts — first, one that you and your partner fill out individually, and then another you do together. You reflect on what felt best, what you each want out of play, and how you’re growing together.” Additionally, if the subject of sex ever feels “awkward,” the journal includes a guide to managing those feelings, too. $26, Goop
3. Lelo Sila Vibrator
Treat yourself, someone you love, or your partner to this Sila vibrator that stimulates the clitoris thanks to the extra-wide mouth which provides maximum suction. While the price may seem a bit steep, it’s totally worth it, and celebrities including Khloe Kardashian and her family swear by this sex toy. $169, lelo.com
4. A Bread Lamp
For $210 you can have this rare Batard Bread Lamp — because why not? This loaf-shaped lamp is made of actual bread, but don’t worry, Goop explains that it’s thoroughly coated in resin to prevent any pests from getting at it. For those who may have allergies, the exact ingredients include: bread flour, cake flour, salt and yeast. It’s also contains an LED light that radiates a warm, comforting glow in whatever room it’s in. We’d suggest the kitchen, but hey, it’s your call! $210, Goop
5. A $2,000 Ouija Board
For the brave souls on your holiday shopping list, this $2,000 Ouija Board will satisfy their spooky needs. There’s a reason it’s quite expensive. This ouija board was made in hand-poured, glitter-bombed acrylic. Gwyneth even provides some tips for setting the mood while using it. “It’s best played with the lights turned down, a few flickering candles set out around the room, plus a cocktail or two beforehand,” she recommends. $2,000, Goop
6. An LED Light Just For YOU
Make that special someone in your life feel extra special with this $900 “You Are Everything” sign — or, practice some self care and purchase it for yourself! Yes, the price is “ridiculous” (as Gwyneth says), but what if we told you that this custom neon sign was handwritten by Gwyneth herself? That’s right, the actress penned this special gift just for you. It contains a warm, white LED light and it’s mounted on contour-cut acrylic for easy hanging. $900, Goop