Ciara, 33, recalled a lot of crying and hard decisions to make at the turning point of her and Future’s relationship, right before they ended their engagement in 2014. Although the “Level Up” singer didn’t name names, it was obvious which failed relationship she was referring to during a vulnerable chat on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Facebook show Red Table Talk, uploaded on June 3. “I’d have moments when I would be in the shower, I’d be crying,” Ciara admitted during the chat. “I had a few different settings — crying in the bedroom, crying in the shower…crying because I’m not in the happiest place, and it hurts what I’m going through.”
Cheating rumors had swirled around Future, but the breakup was still shocking. The couple had just welcomed their son Future Zahir Wilburn, now 5, just three months before the wedding was called off. “I grew up with my mom and dad being together, the idea of it being, ‘Mommy and Daddy made baby,’ then all of a sudden you’re living your life in front of the world. That adds a whole ‘nother layer,” Ciara continued, and she then made a sad confession: “‘I feel like I’m failing right now. Other people, they’re gonna roast me. Here they come in the comment section. I’m about to get fried.’”
But Ciara had two people to think about: her son and father. “When I was thinking about my son, I know what I want to feel. I know the kind of love that I want for us. What I did was – Future [Ciara’s son] was like my teddy bear. So I was like, we gon’ go. We ‘bout to do this thing together.” And thinking of the love that Ciara’s dad Carlton Harris has for his wife, Jackie Harris, the singer added, “I had to take a couple of times to figure it out, but my dad’s love is what saved me in all my situations, because it would get to a point where I was like, my dad wouldn’t do this to my mom. This can’t be love. I’ve always had the same goal of wanting to be loved a certain way, but I was just walking in the wrong direction.”
You can watch the rest of the interview above, in which Ciara also explains why her romance with husband Russell Wilson, 30, is a “different level of love.” Ciara married the Seattle Seahawks player in 2016, and they have since gone on to happily welcome a daughter, Sienna Princess Wilson, 2. A “different level of love” is an understatement — Ciara and Future’s nasty split eventually led to Ciara hitting Future with a $15 million lawsuit, after the rapper accused his ex of using their baby for publicity. The lawsuit was dropped, but Future has still gone on to diss his ex-fiancée into 2019.