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“I think that the people around me were more worried about it than I was, because the reason I used to cut myself was because of my body,” Billie Eilish says in a new cover story with Vanity Fair. The 19-year-old Billie has been open with her struggles with self-harm and a negative body image, and she shared just how bad things got when she was still a young girl. “To be quite honest with you, I only started wearing baggy clothes because of my body,” said the “Therefore I Am” singer. “I was really, really glad though, mainly, that I’m in this place in my life, because if that had happened three years ago, when I was in the midst of my horrible body relationship—or dancing a ton, five years ago, I wasn’t really eating.
“I was, like, starving myself,” added Billie. “I remember taking a pill that told me that it would make me lose weight, and it only made me pee the bed—when I was 12. It’s just crazy. I can’t even believe, like I—wow. Yeah. I thought that I would be the only one dealing with my hatred for my body, but I guess the internet also hates my body. So that’s great.” When Vanity Fair’s Keziah Weir suggests that the Internet hates “all women’s bodies,” Billie retorted with, “The internet hates women.”
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Billie’s comments seemingly referenced how the internet almost broke itself in October 2020, after Billie was photographed out and about in a tank-top and sweat-shorts. It was a rare sighting of Billie in something other than her signature baggy streetwear, and the response for the photos prompted Billie to share a TikTok from influencer Chizi Duru, one that requested people “start normalizing real bodies, okay? “Not everybody has a wagon behind them, okay? Guts are normal. They’re normal. Boobs sag….especially after breastfeeding. Instagram isn’t real!”
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Months before Billie’s photographs went viral online, she spoke with GQ magazine about why she started wearing such oversized, figure-hiding outfits. “Here’s a bomb for you: I have never felt desired,” she told the publication. “My past boyfriends never made me feel desired. None of them. And it’s a big thing in my life that I feel I have never been physically desired by somebody.”
“I dress the way I dress as I don’t like to think of you guys — I mean anyone, everyone — judging it, or the size of it,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean that I won’t wake up one day and decide to wear a tank top, which I have done before.” Now that she has a much better “body relationship,” she will likely wear such outfits again.