Every girl — or guy for that matter, has been through it. You’re midway through dinner and the date is just the worst. So, how do you get out of it? We’ve got the answers.
Whether you’ve been set up on a date, or you thought a guy seemed great Bumble and that was just not the case, we’ve all been in a situation we want out of. Relationship expert and author Hunt Ethridge knows what to do. Yes, there are the ways you’ve heard of — but there are other ways to “exit stage left.” Here’s his nine go-to ways to get out of a bad, awkward date.
1. Fake a phone call
The first way to get out of it is the tried and true “fake phone call.” You can do this one of two ways — pretend your phone was on vibrate and you need to take the call OR have someone call you at a prearranged time, like one hour into the date. If you don’t pick up, your friend knows the date is going well. If it isn’t, you can answer it and make it up to be whatever you want. Your mom is sick, your friend is stranded, your doctor informing you that you have “the herp.” And yes, while it is known and the other person may know what you’re up to, it’s still allowed as a social escape.
2. Gross them out
If it’s really going bad and you just want out, try oversharing gross things about yourself. Tell him the last time you had your period, you were amazed at the size of some of the clumps. Explain to her after five days of not showering, your funk is much less funkier than others’ funks. Or just pick your nose and eat it at the table. It’s kind of along the same lines as trying to be the bigger asshole so that they dump you. It can be fun to see how deep you need to go down this rabbit hole before they get grossed out.
3. Bow out on beliefs
They don’t know what your belief system is and we’ve all met people with odd beliefs, so this one is good to use that they can’t really argue against. Choose something that they have said recently and say that you couldn’t possibly date someone that felt that way. It could be anything — “You believe that Italian food is better than French food?! I’m sorry, it’s just that my family is French and many of them died in WWII and their recipes were smuggled out and handed down and that’s all I have to remember them by. I just can’t be with someone that doesn’t value their cooking like I do. I’m sorry (don’t forget to tear up) I just have to go.”
4. The Ferris Bueller
You can always fake being sick, but this one needs a little set up. When you get there, tell your date that you’re sorry but you’ve been feeling a little under the weather lately but didn’t want to miss this date. If it’s going well, great! You can tell your date you’re suddenly on the mend. However, if you see it slowly swirling down the toilet, get sicker and sicker over the course of the date. Eventually, you “just can’t take it anymore” and need to get home to bed.
5. Get a little help from the staff
Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and write a note on a piece of paper and slip it to the bartender, waiter or other staff member. It could say to have them come up to you and tell you your car is being towed, you have an emergency phone call or something even more fun. If you have a staff willing to have some fun, they could pretend to be a jealous ex, you could have them flirt excessively with your date and then be “offended” or have them “accidentally” knock food or water onto your date. Slipping them $10 couldn’t hurt either.
6. Take one for the team
Sometimes it takes a little sacrifice to get out. Knock a glass of wine/water onto yourself (bonus if you can make it seem like it was his or her fault) and then say you just need to get home. If you’re a girl, break a heel. If you’re a guy, band into something. Hard. Wail and cry and bemoan your luck and then beat a hasty exit.
7. Get wasted
This one can be fun, but be careful with it! The obvious caveat here is make sure that you don’t accidentally put yourself in a worse or even dangerous place. But done right, it’s another version of no. two. You just keep knocking ‘em back and back and back. Make loud slurping sounds, spill your drink, slur more, be very loud. You can either then, plead too drunk and get an Uber or you’ll offend or embarrass them enough that they have no desire to see you again.
8. Become the person you hate
Again, be careful with this one because there are many ways that it could backfire. But if you’ve tried lots of other ways and they just aren’t getting the hint, it’s time for the nuclear option. Become the type of person that would piss you off — Mansplain, deride their lack of/over education, make condescending faces when they share something, etc.
9. Honesty (GASP)
We’re all adults here. I was on a date once and she told me she was looking to get married this year or next year. I replied with a hearty “NOPE!” And the we just proceeded to get drunk and trade dating horror stories. If you are old enough to be dating, you’re old enough to act like an adult. You don’t need to go into detail or be longwinded. Just try, “I’m sorry, this just isn’t going to work out. You seem great, just not for me. I’m going to get going now and good luck in your future.”
HollywoodLifers, what’s worked for you in the past? Let us know!