- ‘The Ultimatum’ is a Netflix dating series that encourages people to stay together, break up, or get with someone new
- Vanessa was given an ultimatum by her girlfriend of three years, Xander, who is ready to marry her or walk away
- Vanessa had some strong connections early on in the experiment but lost one after admitting she was not ready to get married
Vanessa Papa, 30, had all eyes on her during the second episode of the debut season of Netflix’s The Ultimatum: Queer Love — and not in a good way. First, one of her two strongest connections in the group, Lexi, called her out for entering the experiment for the wrong reasons after she said she doesn’t ever want to get married. “It’s a liar world and Vanessa’s a fake person,” Lexi slammed after saying she felt completely misled. “I don’t even wanna say her name anymore, she’s like Voldemort to me.”
Lexi later called Vanessa out during the choosing ceremony, in which the newly singles choose their new partner for their trial week of living together. She said she felt “gaslit” by Vanessa and is scared because she has the potential to “blow up” a sacred part of her life, as she has a strong connection with her ex, Rae. “I have concerns for my ex in this process,” she continued. “I don’t think you’re here for the right reasons.”
Another contestant, Mildred, then chimed in and agreed with Lexi that Vanessa was not giving off good vibes, especially because she had been openly rude to her ex, Xander, all night. As the tension in the room continued to rise, Xander, defended her ex. Read on to learn more about The Ultimatum: Queer Love‘s apparent troublemaker, Vanessa.
Vanessa Is A Free Spirit
Vanessa, 30, is a self-proclaimed free spirit and doesn’t like the idea of settling down because it restrains her. Although she has been in a relationship with Xander for three years, she can’t see marriage in her future quite yet. During her date with Lexi that went sour, she proclaimed, “It’s hard to imagine marrying anyone” and that she doesn’t “want to grow closer to someone else.” She even admitted she doesn’t “have any desire to have” stability in her life. She does know, however, that she eventually wants kids.
Unsurprisingly, Vanessa is the recipient of the ultimatum, which means she needs to agree to marry Xander at the end of the process, get dumped, or walk away with a new relationship.
Vanessa Realized She Was Gay As A Teen
In an Instagram post from July 2022, Vanessa admitted she did not know an “openly gay” person until she was 16 and in a post from Oct. 2022, she said that’s around the same time she realized she liked girls. “I started coming out to myself at 16. It took me 9 more years and my first serious queer relationship to get the confidence and pride to come out to everyone else,” she recalled. “Coming out isn’t a linear path that is set out for you. It’s a roller coaster and it can be bumpy, fast, shocking, and scary. I’m full of pride now, but it took a long time and a lot of UNlearning to get to where I am today.”
She continued, “When you’re in the process of coming out, most of the time, you have no one to talk to or confide in. It’s such an internal process that can feel so lonely. I went through a very long coming out process that mainly consisted of me fighting off my own beliefs that being gay was wrong. Over the years, I felt so alone and lost, but I smiled through it so no one ever knew I was struggling.”
“But here I am today- out, proud and incredibly happy,” she concluded.
Vanessa Is A California Transplant
Vanessa moved to Los Angeles from New Jersey right before the pandemic hit, which kept her inside and away from people and places. “I never got to know LA like I wanted to,” she said in a Jan. 2023 Instagram post. “But now here I am, in 2023. Exploring this city for all its highs and lows. Life is good.” In an earlier post, she said she feels much more accepted in California than she did in New Jersey.
“Growing up in NJ, I never thought I’d move to the west coast. But here I am,” she wrote. “I packed my things into a $2500 beater car and drove across America. Now I live in California, where I feel fully embraced. Life will bring you happiness when you follow your heart, even when it’s truly scary to do.”
Although she’s clearly loving the City of Angels, Vanessa confirmed that “nothing beats springtime on the East Coast.”
Vanessa Is A Dog Mom
Vanessa has a small pup she frequently posts with on her Instagram page. She has not revealed her dog’s name, but once said she is glad she outgrew her dog allergy.
Vanessa Swore Off Men In 2022
Vanessa announced that she will never date a cis male again in a Nov. 2022 Instagram post in which she recalled the struggle she faced trying to fit into society by dating men. “I wanted so badly to connect emotionally that I was willing to change parts of myself and sacrifice things that really mattered to me and ignore the chaos,” she penned. “I will never have the level of emotional connection I want with someone who was born male. I know that now and I finally have the confidence to say that I will never date a cis man again.”
She concluded, “It feels SO GOOD to unlock pieces of your personal puzzle as you grow older and really start unraveling who you are at your core.”