It was such a heartbreaking image when the world watched as a 12-year-old Prince Harry walked behind his mom Princess Diana‘s coffin during her Sept. 6, 1997 funeral. While his father Prince Charles, 68, uncle Earl Spencer, 53, and then 15-year-old brother Prince William were all mature enough to handle the grim duty, little Harry seemed so out of place as he was so deeply mourning his beloved mother’s untimely death at just 36-years-old. Now he’s opening up in a big way about how much that experience scarred him emotionally.
“My mother had just died, and I had to walk a long way behind her coffin, surrounded by thousands of people watching me while millions more did on television,” he tells Newsweek in a . “I don’t think any child should be asked to do that, under any circumstances. I don’t think it would happen today.” It was all the more poignant that atop Diana’s coffin was a round bouquet of white roses from Harry with a card atop it, on which the envelope he wrote “Mummy.” He was just a young boy and it seemed almost cruel that he was made to keep a stuff upper lip and walk for miles in her funeral procession when he was so clearly grieving.
Harry is revealing how his mother’s death in a Paris car crash really took a toll on his formative years, but that he ultimately has pulled it together and is trying to live a life that would have made her proud. “My mother died when I was very young. I didn’t want to be in the position I was in, but I eventually pulled my head out of the sand, started listening to people and decided to use my role for good. I am now fired up and energized and love charity stuff, meeting people and making them laugh,” he says.
The Prince shared that he’s gone through therapy to cope with her loss in an April podcast interview with The Daily Telegraph, where he said, “I can safely say that losing my mum at the age of 12, and therefore shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years, has had a quite serious effect on not only my personal life but my work as well.” The royal also added, “I have probably been very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions when all sorts of grief and sort of lies and misconceptions and everything are coming to you from every angle.” As a result, Harry, along with Prince William and his sister-in-law Kate Middleton, are leading a campaign called Heads Together, which is an effort to break the stigma surrounding mental health.
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