![Chrissy Teigen](https://hollywoodlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Chrissy-Teigen-Miscarriage-ap-ftr.jpg?quality=100&w=384&h=216&crop=1)
Nearly two months since she tragically lost her baby boy Jack, Chrissy Teigen is sharing the depths of her feelings with her social media followers. In an emotional Nov. 27 Instagram post, next to a picture of her bundled up on the sofa in cozy knits, leggings and a hat, she detailed exactly what she has been going through.
“When I’m old and grey, I will look back on the last two months as being brutal, exhausting, sad, physically challenging, mentally painful bitches of a couple months,” Chrissy, 34, wrote. “But I refuse to not find humor in both the rage-fits and the outfits. I already see the leaves as orange instead of grey, realized the sky is indeed blue and not black and horn honks on my forced morning walks only bring me to my knees half the time.
![Chrissy Teigen](https://hollywoodlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Chrissy-Teigen-ig-embed.jpg)
“I can make it up my stairs only stopping once or twice instead of every other, and can get out of the bathtub all by myself as long as I have the promise John will dry me off. anyhow the point is, f**k, I think it’s happening.”
Of course the “John” she referred to is her husband, singer John Legend, 41. Together, in addition to their unborn son Jack, they are parents to Luna, 4, and Miles, 2.
Over on Twitter, Chrissy noted that when she turns 35 on Nov. 30, it will be exactly two months since they lost their baby. She responded to an AP Planner tweet that revealed her birthday with a Debbie Downer gif. “Never exactly been a birthday gal but this one is gonna be a rough one,” she wrote. “It’ll be exactly 2 months since Jack and I’ll prob get my first period since annnnnd I have double therapies that day hoo f**kin rayyyyyy.” (You can read the tweets in full HERE.)
![John Legend, Luna, Miles, Chrissy Teigen](https://hollywoodlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Chrissy-Teigen-Miscarriage-mega-embed.jpg)
But, despite her pain and grief, the model still took time to acknowledge her blessings. “I really know I have an incredible life though,” she tweeted, “I promise I do. It’s just my brain and body are screwy right now. I know I am insanely lucky!”
Just two days earlier, Chrissy told her Twitter followers that she has been struggling with “grief depression,” admitting that she’s taking a step back from the site because of it.
I’m not tweeting much because I’m honestly in a bit of a grief depression hole but do not worry as I have so much help around me to get better and I’ll be fixed soon. they’ll call when im better and ready for pickup and u can swing by and grab me ok? thank u and love you!
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 25, 2020
“I’m not tweeting much because I’m honestly in a bit of grief depression hole,” she wrote, “but do not worry as I have so much help around me to get better and I’ll be fixed soon. They’ll call when I’m better and ready for pickup and u can swing by and grab me ok? Thank u and love you!”