Billie Eilish, 18, Admits Pressures Of Fame Nearly Pushed Her To Kill Herself At 16: I Was ‘Unhappy’ & ‘Joyless’

Grammy nominated artist Billie Eilish opened up about her clinical depression in a new interview with Gayle King, sharing that she 'genuinely didn't think I would make it to 17.'

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It seems like Billie Eilish has risen to fame in the blink of an eye. Once the obscure singer of “Ocean Eyes,” the 18-year-old has since cemented herself in the music and pop culture lexicon with Billboard music honors, American Music Awards trophies, and six Grammy nominations to boot. But fame can be isolating, and Billie candidly opened up about that very subject with journalist Gayle King for her CBS special on Jan. 23. It’s no secret Billie has a special relationship with her fans, and often uses her platform to remind them how vital their life is. “I just grab them by the shoulders and I’m like, ‘Please, take care of yourself and be good to yourself, and be nice to yourself. Don’t take that extra step and hurt yourself further. And then you can’t take it back.'”

It’s those words that Billie, herself, likely needed to hear at a low point during her rise to prominence. As her fame swelled, Billie’s friends couldn’t relate to her any longer, and subsequently drifted away from her life. The “Bad Guy” singer fell into a clinical depression as a result of her isolation. “I was so unhappy last year,” she confessed to Gayle. “I was so unhappy and I was so, like, joyless…I don’t want to be too dark but I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17,” she revealed. When asked by Gayle if Billie thought she “would do something” to herself to cause the end of her life, Billie answered with a tight-throated “Yea.”

And there’s one particular moment that Billie often goes back to where she nearly took her own life. “I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel. And I remember there was a window right there,” she recollected. “I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was…I was going to do it.” Fortunately, Billie didn’t follow through.

When prompted by Gayle as to why, her response was an emotional one. “So why do you think you didn’t?” Gayle asked the Grammy nominee. “My mom,” Billie said, droplets of tears making her eyes all the more glassy. Billie’s mom and her family took action. Her mom, Maggie, began to scale back her touring schedule and her team started turning down certain requests. Through therapy and support, Billie has flourished before her fans’ eyes. This Sunday, Jan. 24, Billie will head into the 62nd Grammy Awards with six nominations, four of which are in the major general fields — Best Album of the Year, New Artist, Best Song of the Year, and Record of the Year. Regardless of outcome, it’s going to be an incredible night for the budding pop star, who has already overcome so much in her young life. To see the full interview segment, click the link here.