How soon is too soon to have sex with someone new after a breakup? How long should I wait before starting to get to know someone else after ending a relationship? WHAT do I do if I think I’m ready to be with a new person, but my last relationship just ended? We’ve all been here, ladies, and the questions about how to move on after a split are pretty much endless. Of course, it’s different for everyone, but we have some GREAT advice from dating expert Brooke Lewis that can hopefully provide a bunch of the answers you’re looking for! Check out her answers to some of our questions here:
How long should I wait before becoming involved with someone else after a breakup? In my professional opinion, there is no simple or exact answer. I believe there is no “right” length of time, but only the “right” length of time for YOU. I am a firm believer in taking time to heal and putting the past in the past. It is never healthy to bring scars and pain from the past relationship into a future one. I say, take however long you need in order to step into your next relationship with an open heart. For the liberal daters out there, who want to get “involved” with someone else through a fun hookup or something casual until you are open and ready for more, that’s cool, too! Just choose safely and powerfully, and make sure whatever you choose makes you feel good about yourself the next day.
What should I do if I thought I was ready, but realize as I’m getting intimate with someone that that’s not the case? Get very clear and honest with yourself FIRST. You are the powerful woman who gets to choose and control her situation, body and intimacy. Give yourself permission to remove yourself from the intimate moment, but it is also important to communicate and share some of your feelings with the person you are having this moment with. However, no man (or woman!) wants to hear you are thinking about or missing an ex during an intimate moment, so rather than sharing this personal information, I think you can respectfully bow out by sharing that you’re just not ready to be intimate with anyone at this time.
What’s the best way to get back in the game without rushing things? DO YOU and HAVE FUN!! Being single, allow down time to learn about yourself again — this will give you time to understand what you want in your next partner. Go out A LOT! When I was single, I remember meeting the greatest guys when I was not looking. Whether with friends or on a dating app date, go out with the intention of having fun. Go on dates and allow guys to court you and make you feel special — I promise, there are guys out there who will!
How different is intimacy with different partners, and how can I prepare for how different it may be? Physical and emotional intimacy will be drastically different from partner to partner. The key is knowing yourself, your needs, and what brings out the best in you. Then, take the time to learn and know what your partners like and needs and combine the two. I will emphasize that the best preparation is time and communication. Pay attention to your partner’s preferences and communicate what you enjoy. But in the end, I still believe that true, innate, pheromone “chemistry” with a partner wins every time!
What’s your best advice for women who may be afraid of commitment after a breakup? Allow yourself to be scared, then get back out there when you’re ready! Clean the slate and open your heart. I realize It may be challenging to trust again and put yourself out there, as there are no guarantees that your heart will not be broken. Love can be a hot mess, but we want to be fearless. Remember, taking a risk in love can bring a reward beyond anything (or anyone) we have experienced before.
HollywoodLifers, what are your best tips for moving on after a breakup!?