Anyone who is married — or has ever been — can confirm that a happy marriage takes much more than love. It also requires work, commitment, communication, and respect to meet one another’s needs and be truly successful. In a world where relationships seem to evolve and dissolve in the blink of an eye, one woman has made it her life’s work to decode the intricacies of human bonds.
Holly J. Moore, a reputable family law attorney, is no stranger to the topic of divorce. With over 15 years of handling high-profile divorce and custody cases, she’s seen her fair share of marriages dissolve — which is why she can be considered an expert in understanding what contributes to the success of a marriage or its downfall.
“If there is one thing I have learned as a divorce lawyer, it is that you truly never know what is going on behind closed doors, even with the people you are closest to,” Holly reveals.
Her words resonate with a deep sense of empathy and insight that only someone of her experience can possess. Having witnessed seemingly happy marriages crumble, she understands the hidden complexities that can lead individuals to seek advice on leaving a partnership that, to outsiders, once seemed unbreakable.
“Interpersonal relationships, particularly romantic ones, are probably the most complex thing on the planet,” Holly shares.
Holly’s perspective is a reminder that while love is a powerful force, it alone cannot guarantee the longevity of a marriage. Her extensive experience has led her to a profound realization: a marriage ends when one or both parties fail to meet their fundamental human needs.
“Arguing does not necessarily signal that a relationship is over,” she says. “A marriage ends for one reason and one reason only. One or both parties is not getting one or more of their fundamental human needs met.”
So what fundamental human needs hold the key to marital success? Holly outlines them as follows:
- Love and Connection: At the core of every successful relationship lies a sense of love and connection. This goes beyond mere companionship; it’s the feeling of being truly understood and accepted by one’s partner. “It’s important to feel connected to someone or something—a person, ideal, value, or identity,” Holly emphasizes. Without this foundation, even the strongest unions can falter.
- Significance: The need to feel significant and cherished is deeply rooted in human nature. Each partner must feel valued and appreciated for their unique qualities and contributions. “Each person in the relationship needs to feel special and important,” Holly affirms. When this need goes unmet, emotional distance can creep in, eroding the very essence of the relationship.
- Variety and Uncertainty: The spark that initially ignites a relationship often thrives on novelty and excitement. “Variety and uncertainty — something that changes the state of your senses or emotions, makes you feel happy or excited,” Holly describes. Without a continuous infusion of variety, the routine can lead to complacency, causing the relationship to lose its vibrancy.
- Stability of Basic Needs: While emotional and psychological needs are paramount, one cannot ignore the stability of basic needs like food, clothing, shelter, and material resources. Insecurity in these aspects can strain a partnership immensely, making it challenging for love to flourish.
Holly J. Moore’s insights remind us that while love forms the foundation of a marriage, it takes more than just love to sustain it. A successful marriage requires a conscientious effort to address these fundamental human needs, ensuring that both partners feel connected, valued, engaged, and secure.
“Over the years, the lavender haze of romance begins to lift, and couples often find themselves in a phase of adjustment that can be the most challenging,” she explains. “It’s important to work through these challenges and prioritize fulfilling each other’s needs, even though it won’t always be easy.”
As Holly J. Moore continues to champion the cause of her clients, she serves as a guiding light for couples seeking to navigate the complex landscape of marriage. Her wisdom reminds us that beneath the surface of every relationship lies a delicate interplay of needs, and recognizing and addressing these needs can mean the difference between a harmonious lifelong partnership and a painful dissolution.
In a world where relationships are often tested and challenged, Holly’s perspective offers a glimmer of hope — that by acknowledging and nurturing these fundamental human needs, we can pave the way for stronger, more fulfilling connections with our partners.