There’s always more to a pretty face than what meets the eye. Courtney Paige Nelson may have first gained fame as a finalist on America’s Next Top Model, but it’s been through her music that this captivating alt-pop singer has been able to really share her creative voice. Her music has also provided a way for her to show both her strength – and her vulnerability. Not afraid to put herself in her music, Courtney has detailed her past battles with depression, PTSD, and Discouraged BPD tendencies disorder in recent singles. In “Saved Myself,” out today, Courtney finishes her own tale. In the entrancing, dark pop bop, Courtney realizes the power that has always been within her, and in embracing this strength, she writes her own ‘Happily Ever After.’
“Saved Myself” is the third part of “my story,” she tells HollywoodLife, concluding a trilogy started with her previous singles, “Sorry I’m Not Perfect” and “Better Now.” This new song is “the closing chapter to my story on my EP,” she says. “I wrote ‘Saved Myself’ as the song to explain how I was after going to treatment. I checked myself in by myself with no support system. No one to call while I was in there, no support system when I got out. It was a very hard time for me to realize I was taking charge of my emotions and mental health without anyone to lean on when I was there, and when I got out.”
“This song is as deep of an insight as you can get to how I was feeling when I got out of treatment,” she adds. “There’s a line in the song – ‘I guess you couldn’t keep up with my dark side, so I’m walking with my demons in the moonlight’ — and that is exactly what happened. So many people left my life when I went to treatment because, in society, we still have a major stigma with mental illness. People are scared of what they don’t understand and what they haven’t been exposed to or experienced for themselves.”
“It’s a scary thought to be a friend to someone who tried to take their own life because they felt they didn’t have anyone and went to treatment for it,” says Courtney. “Which is why I made this set of songs and why ‘Saved Myself’ is such an important part of that chapter. I want people to understand that having depression, having PTSD, having Discouraged BPD Tendencies is normal and just not talked about. That hitting rock bottom and feeling alone and scared is also normal.” But, Courtney adds that this song isn’t just about hitting the lows. It’s about reaching the highs afterward. “Saved Me” is, as she puts it, “about how you take control in getting the help you need. My hope is people hear my songs and my lyrics and are able to relate and feel ultimately less alone.”
Courtney’s story is one that many can relate to. Raised by a single mother who struggled with her own mental issues, Courtney’s upbringing was less than ideal. Kicked out of her home at age 17, she discovered a passion for music that led her to Los Angeles five years later. She picked up some modeling work, but things weren’t going too hot – until America’s Next Top Model came calling. Courtney landed a spot on the 23 rd cycle of the long-running reality television competition, eventually placing fourth overall. While she didn’t blow up the modeling world, this stint gave her music career a boost. Since then, she’s been able to perform all over the world, connecting with fans and sharing her captivating and intriguing voice.
“Saved Myself” is out now.