Ghosting, otherwise defined as: “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just ‘get the hint’ and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested” [thank you, Urban Dictionary]. Let’s also clear up a common misconception. Did you think that ghosting was only a guy’s game? — Well, think again. Ladies, I’m here for you, and, I’ve felt your pain. From the awkward dates, to the weird text exchanges, dating [especially in New York City] isn’t an easy task.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve been ghosted and I’ve been the ghost-er. I’ve also caved into the, “I’ll just stop answering, and pretend that I’m not stomping on his ego, all to spare his feelings because I’m truly not interested and I’m afraid to tell them.” [you know you’ve been there] So, put your guilty feelings aside and see which option you fall under in my below list. Here’s why is completely OK to cut him off…
1. If he’s a 5-stage — So, let’s say you meet this guy once, and after that, he’s calling you to shop at HomeGoods with him on a Tuesday. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a believer in old school manners and chivalry. BUT, you guys met once, and it’s a bit creepy to call at the moment. Not to mention, [my personal pet peeve], if he literally has conversations with himself in your texts. Do you get what I’m saying? — Basically, it’s when a guy texts you multiple times without getting an answer. Like, bruh, why are you talking to yourself? Here’s an example:
Him: How was your day?
Him: I’m assuming you got tied up?
Him: Do you want to grab drinks tonight?
2. If you catch him swiping — And, no I’m not talking about a new dance move. I’m talking about if you see him swiping on Bumble or Tinder with your own eyes, WHILE he’s with you. Yes, let the anger settle in, ladies, because this actually happens. Again, I once had a friend who caught her date swiping. Like, can’t you wait, man? If you’re going to play someone, at least be shady… [NOT that I recommend that, obviously.] AND, if he shows up to your date with a love mark on his neck, that’s when you know he has zero care. Boy, BYE.
3. When you know he’s lying to you — While I have yet to experience this nightmare, I do have a ton of friends who have experienced this. I’m hoping it’s safe to assume that you’ve heard the saying, “It’s a small world,” right? Well, it may have been derived from number 3. There are so many people out there who you’re connected to and you don’t even know it. So, nine times of out of ten, both people on a date at least know something about one another, or they have a mutual friend/acquaintance. So, before you beef up your life story, think about who that person may know. I once had a friend who went on a date with a mailroom assistant, who told her that he was a director of operations at his company. Lesson learned? — Be yourself, not Pinocchio.
4. He LOVES himself — Hey, I’m all about self-love, confidence and comfortability with oneself. But damn, it’s been about three months, and there’s a Cavs Vs. Magic winning chance [duh] that you don’t even know my last name. If someone wants to get to know you, they will get to know you … There’s no secret formula here. PASS.
5. If the first date was a disaster — Whether it’s one thing that turns you off, or seven, first impressions are everything. Once again, a friend of mine was invited to this guy’s house; he offered to cook her dinner. Cute, right? — Well, NOT if he asks you to wash the dishes after. Then, this same friend goes on another date with a cute guy, who has a good job, and checks all the boxes. So, his phone rings — It’s a Terminator ringtone. Ok, so he likes action movies? Nah, it turns out, he just had some major, scary issues. All I’ll say is, I’m all about a Schwarzenegger movie, but not when you’re trying to create it in real life. In the short, if he also falls in this list, then girl, it’s OK to ghost it out: He’s flirting with the wait staff; He’s on his phone for non-emergency things; He shows up drunk; He talks about his ex; and the list goes on.
6. If you’ve got nothing to lose — Ladies, gents, if you don’t need the least bit of closure from the guy, then there’s no shame in saying bye. It’s also a test of your feelings if you can completely cut him off without a care in the world. It’s time to move on to the next one, because you’re clearly not feeling this one.
7. You’ve met someone else who you had a spark with — True love [maybe a stretch], or merely someone that you can at least click, with is hard to come by. So, if you’ve met someone while you were getting to know someone else, just follow your heart. Ghosting hurts, but missed chances hurt even worse.
8. He’s just a bag full of excuses and empty words — This one kind of speaks for itself. And, doesn’t it really get under your skin when you get ready, do your hair and everything, and he cancels, especially on a weekend night? Plain and simple — If he wants to be with you or see you, he will. And, if not, Casper his a– and send him walking.
HollywoodLifers, share your own experiences in the comments below!