'Game Of Thrones' Recap: Melisandre's Evil Plan Is Revealed

Sun, April 8, 2012 10:05pm EDT by 21 Comments

Murder, adultery, incest — no one does Easter like the good people of Westeros.

Game of Thrones fans have used many words to describe Melisandre (Carice van Houten) after she made her debut on last week’s season premiere — evil, shady and cryptic come to mind — but the April 8 episode added one more to that already colorful list: slutty! The “priestess” offered herself up to Stannis (Stephen Dillane), promising to deliver him the son his wife never could. And as an added layer of poetry, Stannis wrecked Melisandre on a map of Westeros, sending all the pieces crashing to the floor. Foreshadowing much?

Also troubling: Melisandre told Stannis that sleeping with her was the final step in giving himself over to the “Lord of Light,” which is crucial to him becoming king. I haven’t read the books, but even I know that procreating with a cultish priestess is a terrible, terrible idea. Evil powers aside, just imagine Melisandre’s red hair on a baby.

Meanwhile, Stannis’ most loyal peeps were off enlisting the help of Salladhor, a charming pirate who agreed to lend his fleet of 30 ships to their cause — but only if they promised him lots of gold and Cersei’s (Lena Headey) hoo-hoo.

Speaking of Cersei’s hoo-hoo, things weren’t any less dramatic at Kings’ Landing this week. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) decided to do a little re-shuffling, exiling Janos (Dominic Carter) and appointing Bronn (Jerome Flynn) as the new commander of the city watch, which didn’t sit well with his sister — or her hoo-hoo.

And because no season of Game of Thrones would be complete without a little incest, Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) took it upon himself to finger his sister on a horse. It was sort of like that scene in Fear where Mark Wahlberg pleasures Reese Witherspoon on the roller coaster — only ten times more traumatic.

In his defense, Theon’s been away from home for years and didn’t know Yara (Gemma Whelan) was his sister, though Lord Greyjoy (Patrick Malahide) was happy to remind him. It turns out Yara will be leading their army, and while I’m sure Theon could have come up with a perfectly good argument against that, he was a little tongue-tied. Getting to third base with your own sister will do that to you.

Over in the Red Waste, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) continued facing opposition from her fellow khals, who remain less-than-cool with the idea of a female ruler. This became pretty clear when Rakharo’s (Elyes Gabel) horse returned to camp… with Rhokaro’s severed head tucked neatly in its saddle bag like the world’s grossest Christmas present. Personally, I wasn’t as opposed to the senseless violence as much as I was against the re-gifting. That’s just tacky.

Lastly, Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) found himself beard-deep in some serious baby mama drama when Gilly (Hannah Murray) — one of Craster’s (Robert Pugh) many unfortunate bride-children — told Sam (John Bradley) she was pregnant and afraid of what would happen if she had a boy. And because Sam is a big bumbling idiot, he got Jon involved in the situation.

Later that night, Jon watched as a baby was delivered in the woods and handed off to someone (or something), before being ambushed by Craster, who knocked him out cold.

Final death count: 1
Final boob count: 8

What did you think of this week’s episode? Sure, it was another hour of mostly talking, but the last few minutes set up some really twisted story lines. Drop your thoughts about what’s to come in the comments section below!

— Andy Swift

Follow Andy on Twitter for more Game of Thrones updates

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Mo Ludwig

Posted at 7:45 PM on April 9, 2012  

“just imagine Melisandre’s red hair on a baby.”

Just saying, no worries there. We know already the Baratheons have have only dark-haired genes in the family. This was Jon Arryn’s and Eddard Stark’s proof that all Cersei’s children were Jaime’s, not Robert’s. Hence, if Melisandre does produce a son for Stannis, the chances are overwhelming that it will be dark-haired too. Red-haired genes are even more recessive than blondy ones.

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gilly

Posted at 8:14 PM on April 9, 2012  

hahahahaahhahhhahahaahhahahaha i’m telling you the least of your worries should be this ‘baby’s’ hair color..

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Mo Ludwig

Posted at 8:27 PM on April 9, 2012  

Oh yeah, been keeping back on reading the 2nd book on purpose, but been hearing things online about “shadow” kids and such, which sounds ominous, but trying to ignore all the spoilers as best I can, lol!

Hence just replying to the bit in the review without referring to anything not yet revealed in the series.

 
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ThisGuy

Posted at 3:48 PM on April 9, 2012  

The one thing that bugged me in this episode was the whole Stannis Melisandre thing, not what happened but what it was implying. In the books it always seemed that Stannis had no interest in sex and that he slept with Melisandre only to further his goals(if you haven’t read the books you’ll learn what I mean by furthering his goals soon enough), but in the show it made it seem like she seduced him. I didn’t have a problem with seducing just the wrong kind, not a seduction of power but of lust.

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hey

Posted at 3:54 PM on April 9, 2012  

‘she seduced him’ ??? uhm she was naked in front of him and he was like NO, I HAVE A WIFE, I CANT.
He only gave in when she said she would give him A SON, wich if you read the books, is pretty much crucial to everything that happens afterwards…

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ThisGuy

Posted at 10:11 PM on April 9, 2012  

The I have a wife line didn’t seem very convincing more like “Well I kinda have a wife and I shouldn’t do that..” but I pictured Stannis being more along the lines of “I have a wife, that is unacceptable” he just seemed more abrupt and “stone faced” in the books while the actor is making him seem more like Ned Stark, besides the whole scene where he was having the letter written he seems out of character.

 
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ThisGuy

Posted at 10:17 PM on April 9, 2012  

In the show its making him seem more “honorable” rather then in the story where he seemed more blunt and cold-hearted.

 
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hey

Posted at 3:56 PM on April 9, 2012  

like, I don’t think stannis was aroused by Melisandre because she was pretty or cause he wanted to get laid, but because of the promise she made, and what bennefit can Stannis achieve from that, and how that will help him in this struggle for the iron throne.

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ThisGuy

Posted at 10:15 PM on April 9, 2012  

I’m not upset about the lines he said, all of them SEEMED like Stannis, more the way they were acted out. I did read the books by the way and am well aware of the SPOILERS Shadow Baby Assassins. In the books it just seemed more like “If it will further my goals” while in the show more like “A son? Well why didn’t you say so!!” know what I mean?

 
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Andy Swift

Posted at 4:28 PM on April 9, 2012  

Yeah, Stannis didn’t seem too interested in her until she told him she could give him a son. I guess they’re BOTH opportunists.

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Rio

Posted at 10:53 AM on April 9, 2012  

Andy, I think you’re missing the point here.. more important than Theon’s tied tongue over WHO will lead the army, isn’t it more important WHERE will she lead the army???
I think Theon’s expression at the end of the scene spoke for itself on that subject..

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Andy Swift

Posted at 11:53 AM on April 9, 2012  

Good point. I guess I was a little distracted by the incest.

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Martin fan

Posted at 11:56 PM on April 8, 2012  

Don’t think I remember Stannis nailing the priestess in the book…

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SerNotAppearing

Posted at 12:25 AM on April 9, 2012  

(minor book spoilers)

Stannis/Melisandre is never explicitly shown in the books (in large part because neither has a POV), but does happen.

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Rio

Posted at 10:55 AM on April 9, 2012  

spoilers–
actually THERE IS a Melisandre POV, wich contains a sentence that goes something like.. “with Stannis gone, her bed saw little use” so yeah, it’s pretty much implied.

 
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James

Posted at 9:02 PM on April 9, 2012  

While it did say that “her bed saw little use”, it follows it up with “She had no time for sleep, with the weight of the world upon her shoulders. And she feared to dream.” Sounds like with Stannis gone, he had to take on more responsibility, therefore had little time for sleep.

 
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Tahleen

Posted at 10:16 PM on April 8, 2012  

Ha, Fear. I never would have seen that movie if it weren’t for you and Olivia. :)

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Andy Swift

Posted at 10:20 PM on April 8, 2012  

I’m glad I was able to introduce you to such a fine piece of cinema. Truly.

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Ella

Posted at 10:12 PM on April 8, 2012  

Excellent synopsis.

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Andy Swift

Posted at 10:14 PM on April 8, 2012  

Why, thank you. :)

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azsuptt

Posted at 8:31 PM on April 23, 2012  

What is the Shadow, What does is make of Melisandre, is she a Witch?

 
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