
In her first post-breakup interview, Ali reveals that endless ‘explosive’ fights and their different personalities drove her to leave Roberto.
After an 18-month engagement, Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez called it quits on Nov. 21. In a new interview, Ali finally tells the heartbreaking story of how her endless fights and the battles lead her fairy tale romance to come crashing down.
“I wouldn’t be being truthful if I said this came out of nowhere,” Ali tells People magazine. “We definitely had been having problems. But I had always believed that we could work it out.”
The problems started right from the beginning of their relationship when they both moved to San Diego, Calif. Roberto was focused on starting his own insurance office, but Ali found it hard to get her own career going. She worked on-and-off as a news correspondent and had a Style Network gig, but that fell through.
“We were trying to establish ourselves individually,” says Ali. “But a relationship should be solid regardless of circumstances.”
Roberto couldn’t handle that Ali wanted her own career. “Roberto seemed bothered that Ali was career-minded and had a social life,” an insider adds. “He is very old-fashioned when it comes to a woman’s places.”
Ali tried to play to role that Roberto expected of her. “I helped him build his business, and I’d bring him lunch all of the time,” she confesses. “I was so supportive of him.”
But they started fighting more and more. “In the past six months, he kind of lost it,” says the insider. “He’d be really good and sweet in public, but their fights could be explosive.”
Ali and Roberto had conflicting ideals. “A lot of times what I wanted to do and what he wanted to do didn’t match up,” she shares. “One of us was always compromising with the other, or we both ended up not doing what we wanted and staying home.”
Roberto couldn’t handle it when Ali had to undergo knee surgery in July. “It really affected us,” she admits. “I couldn’t really be active like I wanted to be. I hit a low.”
Their differences lead to major personality conflicts. “He would rather be alone on weekends,” notes Ali. “He’s more introverted. I love being around people and sharing stories and going out to dinner.”
Ali and Roberto tried hard to make it work. First they decided not to rush down the aisle and then they postponed their nuptials twice. But after all the time they spent trying to fix their problems, their fights continued.
Ali moved out in November to stay with a friend and do a trial separation. “I went back to our apartment … so we could have a dinner and talked,” she remembers. “At the end of the day we both realized we were unhappy more than we were happy.”
“And we both deserved more,” she continues. “I just knew that we needed to go separate ways. Something inside both of us said we still had more figuring out to do. We take marriage very seriously. It’s not something we were going to do and just hope it works out.”
Roberto “is devastated” by Ali’s decision, claims another source. “He really thought this would last and that they’d get married.”
Ali has yet to return the $50,000 Neil Lane engagement ring — and she still speaks to Roberto daily. “I found real, true love, and I’m grateful that I had that experience,” she cries. “There’s no hate. I still love him, and I always will. But what matters is how we feel, and we both knew it wasn’t right.”
“All of my things are going to be in storage until I figure out what to do,” says Ali. “I literally don’t even know where I want to live, never mind what I want to do.”
BFFs — are you shocked that Ali and Roberto are done?
- Lindsey DiMattina
More Bachelorette Stories:
- Ali & Roberto Break Up
- Ali Delays Her Vows Again
- Ali & Roberto Postpone Their Wedding
- Ali Needs To Give Roberto’s Ring Back
View Comment
toad
Posted at 4:13 AM on December 9, 2011
Is this a joke? Why does anyone watch this garbage. It’s a competition and a contest with all superficial people. love has nothing to do with it. Its only in this country where we make people famous for nothing. What an embarassment this nation has become. People.. get your own lives. This gal tries to portray innoncence. Please.
lee_leigh
Posted at 4:52 AM on December 8, 2011
Suz
Posted at 6:35 PM on December 6, 2011
Elyse
Posted at 2:03 PM on December 6, 2011
Phoebe
Posted at 10:43 AM on December 6, 2011
Jo-Jo
Posted at 5:50 AM on December 6, 2011
Dorecia
Posted at 5:03 AM on December 6, 2011
tom
Posted at 3:14 AM on December 6, 2011
chichi
Posted at 6:20 PM on December 5, 2011
Charlie
Posted at 2:58 AM on December 5, 2011
Nightbird
Posted at 8:51 PM on December 4, 2011
I feel for Roberto & think Ali became too caught up into being a ‘celebrity’ & always working the camera, social media, doing all these charity events, etc. Roberto wanted to have a chance to build a life together without the constant intrusions, twits & you tube clips being broadcast. He was so real and honest and tried in the beginning to go along with it all because he loved her so much. It just wasn’t enough for her, so it’s her great loss. Roberto I know you’ll find the right woman one day.
Sue Ellen
Posted at 2:16 PM on December 4, 2011
It was pretty apparent that Roberto was a little gun shy at the proposal scene ending of the Bachlorette. I didn’t even think he’d actually go through with it. They were being mature when they didn’t rush to the alter, you need alot of time to figure out if this Reality TV engagement stuff will actually work between two people. I didn’t care for Ali on the Jack Bachelor show – remember how she whined and whined on his lap about leaving – it was so pathetic. She has some growing up to do, but this is probably a good first step for her – to break up and try to be more of a grown up in finding a marriage partner. I wish them both the best and I think they are good people deep in their hearts and will someday find the right partner.
Suzette
Posted at 2:09 PM on December 6, 2011
Margaret Brand
Posted at 7:30 AM on December 4, 2011
Teeny
Posted at 7:04 AM on December 4, 2011
Anna
Posted at 10:20 PM on December 3, 2011
Maria
Posted at 6:22 PM on December 3, 2011
Lizzo
Posted at 11:43 PM on December 2, 2011
Poor little insecure spoiltbrat? Thats what Ali was in both seasons! Now she’s'the victim? Yeh right! She obviously brought out the worst in Roberto, and who can blame him? She tried to change and bend all the procedures in the last series, just to suit her brat image! Didnt even give Chris the change to be on the last and most popular scene of any season! Oh yeh, to not break his heart? Come on girl! Go get a real job, and a maybe a famous actor, that would now really suit you?…. Didnt like her from the very first moment…
Caroline
Posted at 5:40 PM on December 3, 2011
Ew Lizzo. She may not have been your favorite but one of the ONLY things I liked & admired her for, was not letting Chris go through the rose ceremony. Idk about you but I take marriage EXTREMELYYYY serious, and I wouldn’t want someone whom I’m not in love with to go through the heartbreak of proposing to me. I mean did you see Ben? At that moment it really hurt him. Why would you want her to put chris l through that if she knew it wasn’t him?! Geez
Danielle
Posted at 12:52 PM on December 2, 2011
I don’t think it should be who’s to blame, whether he has an anger management problem, or she wanted the lime light. Maybe their just both good people that just had two very different types of personalities, it happens all the time, whether people are famous or not. It’s natural, personalities just sometimes don’t click. I wish them the best of luck! They both seem to be really genuine people, which is way I thought they would really work. But, better they decide now then later with divorce papers.
Liza
Posted at 10:30 AM on December 1, 2011
What limelight? They lived in San Diego. There is nothing wrong with being sociable. Roberto seems like the insecure one if he wants to hide at home every weekend. Ali was clear about wanting a life and a career from the very beginning. If Roberto thought he was going to morph her into some stay at home wallflower like his mother, that is on him.
There is no Hollywood in San Diego. Things just didn’t work out because they couldn’t come to a meeting of minds over her ‘place’ as a woman. Sounds like Roberto was more like his chauvinistic father after all.
Carolyn
Posted at 11:22 AM on December 1, 2011
Elyse
Posted at 2:07 PM on December 6, 2011
gbtw
Posted at 7:27 PM on December 1, 2011
why do you have to resort to name calling? if roberto wants a family that has traditional familial roles- if really that is the truth- that doesn’t make him a chauvanist. it just means she’s not the girl for him. and not all women that want to do what wives did in the 50′s is a wall flower. why are you so nasty about these people?
Mary Jane
Posted at 12:44 AM on December 1, 2011
I know exactly what Ali is going through…I dumped my boyfriend several months ago and her problems with Roberto sound exactly like what I went through with my ex. The only exception is that we were together a shorter amount of time and I left the relationship a lot sooner than Ali did.
When a relationship hits a low like this, there is no getting it back. My ex and I tried repeatedly to work things out and they never did–we just fought and fought. He had a similiar homebody personality like Roberto and I wasn’t at all like that–I was social and outgoing like Ali.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved my ex (just like Ali did with Roberto), but I loved me more and I had to get out of such an unhealthy relationship. In the end, all we did was argue.
Ali…you made a good choice deciding to leave. You will find love again and you will truly be happy. You shouldn’t have to constantly work on things or fight all the time–remember, I had personal experience with this before as well. Things will all fall into place and you will meet Mr. Right.
And FYI for all those people slamming Ali…you don’t know what really went on behind the scenes with her and Roberto when they fought. My ex seemed all sweet and nice in public too…but behind closed doors, our fights were very explosive. All we did was scream and yell at each other. Everyone was shocked when we broke up…they thought we were perfect too.
josiecat
Posted at 2:23 PM on November 30, 2011
“In the past six months, he kind of lost it,” says the insider. “He’d be really good and sweet in public, but their fights could be explosive.” As a fan of reality tv, and watching the bachelor franchise shows, I think Roberto is one of the most kind hearted guys I’ve seen. Usually reality tv will bring out the worst in people, and I did not see this with Roberto. Ali on the other hand had a mean streak on the bachelor. She would say things that were hurtful and manipulative. She did seem insecure and a bit needy – I’m sure that wore on Roberto. She wants the Hollywood lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that. Roberto wants a settled down life in San Diego. Just two different goals. A bummer for fans, but they have to do what works for them. But, I don’t like the trash talk about Roberto, when I think it’s more from Ali’s side.
gbtw
Posted at 3:57 PM on November 30, 2011
i agree with you completely. i liked ali when i watched her on bachelorette, but it was clear on the bachelor that she has to be the center of attention and gets very catty if she’s not. she had the mean streak (and very mean, at that), not him. she wanted hollywood, he wanted a traditional family life. so, it just didn’t work- and as you said- trash talking roberto who was basically perfect, is trashy, at best. good luck to each of them. i’m sure there are a million girls that would be happy to have a traditional role in the roberto household, and there is nothing wrong with that (nor, in ali wanting to have a more career-driven life). apples/oranges.
JEG
Posted at 8:28 PM on November 30, 2011
I totally agree with you josiecat. Ali seemed to get caught up in that Hollywoood scene, she liked all that attention. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked Roberto & Ali together as a couple & I was really sad to hear that they broke-up. I think Ali was having a really hard time trying to get her career started agian after the show ended when she & Roberto relocated in San Diego. Roberto came from an easy laid back family, wanted to start up his insurance business, liked things simple & wanted a normal, simple, private life with Ali. Their life was far from simple & private, with the media attention, style shows, spa dates and mall shopping etc & trying to live a normal life??!! As much as Ali & Roberto both tried to make their relationship work & the reality of real life together set in, they both realize just how different they really were. Time will heal the broken hearts !!
greg
Posted at 11:51 PM on November 30, 2011
gbtw
Posted at 7:24 PM on December 1, 2011
i think we all know that editing can do a number on reality— but some of us got to see A LOT of ali from two long runs on that series, bachelor (almost through to the end) and bachelorette (all the way of course). so, editing or not- we got a sense of ali. and i do think if roberto was some sort of monster, we would’ve seen an incling of that somewhere. they love to show the bad stuff, and there wasn’t one tiny remote bad thing shown about him. so, tho you may be “the expert”, you have to admit- reality producers LOVE to show the worst in people, so if they had anything bad on roberto, we would’ve seen it.
Carolyn
Posted at 11:11 AM on December 1, 2011
Victoria
Posted at 1:12 AM on December 6, 2011
Roberto and Ali – it seems you have not seen a counselor – try to get one or see Joel and Victoria (Joel and Victoria Ministries – go there seek to talk to them once and see what ‘love’ is and patience – for us here in African ladies are ladies, and men are men – Ali, try to get your place in the home you will be the happiest – let Roberto be the head of the house. and ofcourse GOD first in your home.
Geena
Posted at 1:22 PM on November 30, 2011
Ali has been obsessed with being in the limelight since day 1. Roberto is a a well grounded person who did want to marry her, but her compulsion to be on TV, mags, etc. ruined the relationship. He moved from FL to accommodate her wishes and where did it get him? If she really wanted the relationship to work, she would have put him before her desire for stardom. Yay to Trista and Ryan for getting out of the Hollywood circus and proving what true love takes to survive and flourish!
gbtw
Posted at 4:01 PM on November 30, 2011
exactly the advice kim khardashian needs to hear! you can’t make a relationship work if you’re more obsessed with fame than love. it’s not just the cameras that ruin it, it’s the desire to be famous. love is about not caring about anything else in the world… it’s never going to reign if the desire for celebrity is an umbrella above it.
ValenciaJanell
Posted at 11:56 AM on November 30, 2011
disco
Posted at 11:34 AM on November 30, 2011
gbtw
Posted at 3:59 PM on November 30, 2011
yola
Posted at 2:56 AM on December 1, 2011
I agree with everyone saying Ali wanted the lime light more. Remember in Jake’s season how she used to be a problem just like Vienna. They are both attention hungry people. I liked Roberto and did feel Chris L would have been a much better choice. Looking at this, Roberto is more matured than Ali and Vienna combined. I knew it wouldnt last

Tiffany Ofield
Posted at 4:21 PM on December 12, 2011
i really dont think he deserves her because she dumped him and they were cute together but oh well that is them not me.