Experts explain that feelings of guilt and pressure are keeping Carlina from bonding with her birth mom, Joy White.
So sad. As if waiting 23 years to be reunited with your kidnapped child isn’t hard enough, now Joy White is saying that her biological daughter Carlina White, who goes by Nejdra Nance, is estranged once again. On this morning’s Today, a teary-eyed Joy confessed that Carlina is no longer involved in her life. “It’s been pretty tough,” says Joy. “I wanted to have a relationship with my daughter.”
Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle tells HollyBaby.com that Carlina is probably confused about how to blend both families into her life. “She may be undergoing much guilt in being pressured to turn her back on her kidnappers,” says. Dr. Carle. “I think the girl must be very confused at this point, between finding her birth family AND all the media attention this story has attracted.”
After being reunited last month in the Bronx, where Carlina was taken by alleged kidnapper Ann Pettway from a hospital as an infant, Joy says her daughter has grown distant and greedy. “I was on such a high when I was reunited with my daughter,” Joy says. “I was floating on air. Everything seemed so great.” Although Joy appeared on Today, Carlina would not comment to the show and will reportedly only talk for money.
But now, everything is not so great since Carlina packed her bags and moved back to Atlanta, Georgia after the family’s second visit, where Joy first noticed her daughter’s distant nature. “It really hurts, but I do understand that is her family. She was brought up by them. She’s with that family. That’s all she knows. [But] I’m her mother. It hurts not to have my daughter. I want her back,” a heartbroken Joy says.
According to Psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert, Carlina may be pulling away because of panic at the possibility of losing her birth mother again. “She could possibly be scared to get too close to her biological mother for fear of losing her again. Therefore she sabotages all efforts and opportunities to nurture a relationship with her,” he tells HollyBaby.com, adding that Carlina could also feel resentment towards her birth mom. “She may blame her for the kidnapping.”
“Certainly, one has to pity her birth parents, who found her after 2 decades, and had probably given up all hope, and now have seen her turn her back on them!” says Dr. Carle, who encourages Carlina to seek professional help. “I believe Carlina would benefit from some counseling to understand her true feelings about this unusual situation. She doesn’t have to choose one family over another,” explains Dr. Carle. “Carlina can use her situation as a way to expand herself and her love.”
“She needs to feel safe, secure and there needs to be reassurance that such an act won’t happen again,” agrees Alpert.
There are even questions about the $750,000 settlement Joy and her husband Carl Tyson got from the hospital after Carlina’s kidnapping. Joy tells Meredith Vieira that a large portion of that settlement was put into a trust for Carlina until she turned 21, but they ended up spending that money to support themselves and their other two children. “It hurts me that it’s about money,” says Joy.
But, the story gets stranger HollyMoms, because while Joy is claiming Carlina’s estranged, her husband, Carl Tyson, told CBS’s The Early Show this morning (Feb. 8 ) that he talks and texts with her every day! “I just wish she were close to me,” he said, in regards to the distance between his home in New York and her life in Atlanta.