John Mayer — He Still Misses Jen, He Loves Threesomes, And He Can't Stop Pleasuring Himself!

Wed, January 20, 2010 3:30pm EST by 9 Comments


If want to know everything — and we mean EVERYTHING — about the self obsessed John Mayer, read on!

Omg, it is so obvious why John Mayer can’t keep a girlfriend.  He is too busy thinking about himself 24/7! In an interview with Rolling Stone, John goes on and on about his favorite subject …. himself.

When he’s not talking about drinking scotch, taking Ambien, his “poop jokes,” vintage watches, or masturbating, John whines about trying to find the perfect girl.  “He wants a girlfriend, a real life-partner girlfriend.  It’s been a long time.  And it’s just not happening,” the RS article conveys.

He says, “Do you think it’s going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself? But isn’t it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren’t we talking about a matrix of a couple different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually.  But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas?”

Can you imagine Jennifer Aniston dating this guy?? John, we’re sure most women don’t have any clue what you’re talking about … but we can guess that your musings, like this one, are the reason girls often end up in a hotel room with you, decide to walk out instead of hooking up, but then ask for your autograph before they leave.

Here is the abridged version of John’s very long interview!

  • He calls himself an asshole for breaking up with Jen and he still misses her: “I’ve never gotten over it – it was one of the worst times in my life.”
  • He wants a girlfriend: “All I want to do now is fuck the girls I have already fucked, because I cannot fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them.”
  • He’s obsessed with masturbating: “I am the new generation of masturbator. I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life… I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain.”
  • He thinks threesomes are awesome: “You know what? It wasn’t swarmy. It was awesome.”

If you REALLY want a girlfriend, like you say you do, try doing something that seems really difficult … listen to them, instead of the sound of your own voice.

For more on John Mayer click here!

Get More on John Mayer: :

  1. HollyEWWW!: John Mayer Warns London’s Women: I Want to Get One of You Preggers!
  2. Jessica Simpson’s New Years Resolution: Stop Accepting Texts From My Exes!
  3. Pete Wentz, Justin Long & Nick Cannon: You Are All Totally Whipped! And We Love It!

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Bonnie Fuller

Posted at 9:21 PM on January 20, 2010  

couldn’t agree more marb00123

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Posted at 8:20 PM on January 20, 2010  

i think john is gross, but i don’t have a problem with him. he’s just immature. he tries to be honest and express his feelings. you can’t ask for much more than that. i think in about 10 years he will be a very refined individual and worthy mate after all of this self-indulgent stuff. seriously…

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Posted at 7:05 PM on January 20, 2010  

he looks really stoned

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Posted at 3:53 PM on January 20, 2010  

tonydanza, he actually says he likes the sound of his voice and just goes on and on about … himself! it’s not an attractive quality! but it’s nice that you are sticking up for him. I like his music … but not him.

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Posted at 2:40 PM on January 20, 2010  

[dude’s perspective]
The more I hear from John Mayer, the more I like the guy. He’s real. I’m sure the interview questions we’re about him, so it follows that the interview would likely be about, well, him! It says nothing about his listening skills or him being self-centered. That’s quite the leap you made in suggesting that. In fact, he talks about seeking a girl that he admires and seeking someone for their intellect. Those are hallmarks of a good dude–and not a jerkbag. Again, I know these things, I’m a dude.

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Posted at 2:09 PM on January 20, 2010  

I agree. Who wants to see John Mayer w. his shirt off? Jen Aniston is WAY too hot for this loser!!

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Posted at 1:01 PM on January 20, 2010  

I have no clue why women want to even be involved with him. He’s extremely UNattractive…blech… and obviously has no real respect for women.

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Posted at 11:43 AM on January 20, 2010  

Yea I agree with JAB, sounds kind of gross.

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Posted at 11:18 AM on January 20, 2010  

This is guy is Ick with a capital I. The fact that he posed for a cover like that ^ should be enough to smarten up any girl.

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