“Look how skinny I was!” Kim squealed while looking at the photos. “I loved it!” Kim is always so insightful.
Having interviewed all the girls separately, I’m a firm believer that if anyone will make something of themselves outside of just being a “Kardashian,” it’ll be Kendall. She’s well-spoken, modest and down to earth, which is no small feat coming from the most famous — and vapid — reality family in the world.
“I’m excited to be 16, first off, because I can drive,” Kendall said. “I think it just sounds older, so it will make me just sound cooler.”
Alright, so we weren’t off on the best foot with that comment.
Khloe — like a true middle child — remembered her sixteenth birthday when a brand new Mercedes pulled up to the house. But — plot twist — it wasn’t for her. It was for her mom, Kris.
“I gave birth to you so I got a present for myself,” Kris — the mastermind of all the Kardashian businesses — explained. Insert maniacal laughter here.
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“I want this to kind of be a low key party,” Kendall begged at the beginning of the show. “I don’t want this to be huge.” Sorry, honey. Have you met your mom?
She added, “I’m really grateful for the privileges I have, but with so many families struggling, I just want to do something simple with my family and friends.”
Kendall, this is why you’re my favorite K of the bunch. (Side note: I wonder what she thinks of her sisters’ Kourtney and Kim Take New York commercial prominently featuring a private chopper and Louboutins)
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Kendall then threw the ladies of her household for a loop.
“I really want a tattoo,” she said, carefully.
“Over my dead body,” Kim said.
It’s pretty funny when Kris and Kim get upset — you can’t tell because their vocabulary isn’t super verbose and their faces don’t move.
Of course, Khloe, the free spirit, supported the ink.
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Cut to the next scene, where Bruce and Kendall went shopping for a car. You know, because it’s every 16-year-old child’s God given right to get a brand new car. Bruce wanted to make sure there wouldn’t be any drinking or any “hanky panky” happening at the party.
Meanwhile, the older girls were horrified at the thought of an age appropriate party and started scaring Bruce with tales of their teenage drinking horror stories. Poor Bruce.
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Since finishing planning Kim’s $15 million wedding, Kris must have been bored to tears and wanted to make Kendall’s party even BIGGER than our first Independence Day celebration. The overly zealous mom suggested ideas like renting out the entire Four Seasons, putting in an ice skating rink, creating a bowling alley, hiring Cirque de Soleil performers and sending out authentic Chinese invitations, to name a few. She was also hyped uplavish and spectacular bash for Kendall in the Bahamas!
Poor Kendall. This was all sending her right around the bend. The was supposed to be her Sweet 16 after all!” Mom- “I’m not going to do it! Do you understand ?”You’re trying to make this bugger and bigger!” – which of course, she was. ” You’re just giving me this, you’re just handing me this and I don’t want it”, Kendall pleaded with Kris.
“I just want to invite 50 people, so [the Four Seasons] is way too big,” Kendall said. Kendall, SHHH…if you don’t throw a big party, how will you get high ratings on your special?? Foolish girl.
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Then the real drama happened. Kendall, who’d been obsessed with driving since she was nine, didn’t pass her driving test because she failed to look over her shoulder for bikers before making right turns.
“I knew that, I promise,” she said, sobbing.
“I gave you three chances,” the instructor said. Bummer. Into each life a little rain must fall, my dear.
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Khloe was upset to hear parallel parking wasn’t on the driver’s test and took matters into her own hands, during a trip to the toy store where she and Kendall bought tons of toys to give to kids at the children’s hospital.
“Kendall sometimes feels guilty for her own blessings, but as long as you give back, you cannot feel guilty for the blessings you have,” Khloe explained. I like her.
However, instead of embracing her “blessings” after the hospital visit, Kendall felt even worse.
Her Mom Kris was now all hyped up about throwing a lavish and spectacular bash for Kendall in the Bahamas!
Poor Kendall. This was all sending her right around the bend. The was supposed to be her Sweet 16 after all!” Mom- “I’m not going to do it! Do you understand ?”You’re trying to make this bigger and bigger!” – which of course, she was. Kendall pleaded with Kris.
“It’s kind of embarrassing you want me to have this huge party,” she told off her mom. “It just feels wrong.”
However, Kris decided she was just being foolish and would eventually warm up to the idea. Muahahahahaha.
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Kendall pitched a fight with her other parent when she told her dad about the tattoo she wanted to get on her neck. Even though kids aren’t legally allowed to get tattoos in California until they are 18, Kendall discovered she could get a tattoo in Las Vegas with a guardian’s permission. Score!
“NO,” Bruce said, barely looking up from his salad. This threw Kendall into a tizzy and she complained to her mom and slammed the door.
She then opted to sneak out, get to Vegas and get the tattoo on her own. “I didn’t want it to come to this,” she told Kylie, seriously.
“You have fun with that,” Kylie said, before adding, “If you call the car service, I will go.”
Such a bizarre world, where teens not only know about car service, but have the company on speed dial.
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During a high school football game, drama struck when Kourtney told Kendall she wouldn’t be able to attend her party in the Bahamas. Kendall realized Kris continued to plan the extravagant Sweet 16 without her permission and flipped.
“It’s embarrassing. There are people in the world who don’t have much and you’re just giving this to me. You’re handing it to me and I don’t want it!” she yelled.
“All you had to do was tell me,” Kris said, calmly. Um, she told a thousand times. We all heard it, KrissyPoo.
Kendall also decided she wanted her guests to skip presents for her and give toys that she could donate to the children’s hospital. Go, Kendall, go!
Finally getting along, the mother daughter duo decided on the location should be the Andaz West Hollywood.
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Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Khloe, Kourtney and Kylie were trying to find a performer for the party. They tried Lil Wayne, Drake and no one was coming through. The stress!
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Saturday rolled around and Kendall and Kylie were all dolled up and ready to go to their Vegas tattoo trip.
“Our friend’s having a mall thing,” Kendall said, lying to Bruce.
“The mall?” he asked. “Okay, I can go with that.” Ha! Joke’s on you, Brucey Boy — Kendall and Kylie aren’t actually spending 12 hours at the Beverly Center.
While in Vegas, Kylie got side tracked and left Kendall in the tattoo parlor to get candy for the sixteenth birthday party. Kendall had the tattoo traced on the back of her neck, but couldn’t find Kylie to get a second opinion.
Kylie sucks as a wing man.
“If you’re not 100%, then don’t do it,” Kourtney said on the phone, leading Kendall to hold off on the ink.
“I think it’s a better idea to do it when it’s not behind someone’s back,” she said, as the after school special music started in the background. “It’ll make me feel better about myself later.” So wise, that one.
Later that day when Daddy Bruce found out Kendall even went to a tattoo parlor, he wasn’t happy — and threatened to tighten up on security at the party once again.
He didn’t even hear the part about them sneaking out to Vegas.
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Bruce proceeded to hire security fit for the FBI. Not only were there metal detectors, but he hired more than five undercover cops to patrol the party for underage drinking, sexual activity and weapons. Relax Bruce, we’re not in East LA!
“He’s insane. He’s treating my friends and I like we’re hoodlums,” Kendall complained, as nearly every person set off the metal detectors.
Later, Kendall heard some of her friends were trying to sneak in alcohol and begged Khloe to use her humor to deflect the situation. “We don’t condone underage drinking,” Khloe said over the speakers.
When Bruce found out what Kendall wanted Khloe to do, he was impressed and eventually excused himself from the party, convinced his daughter wasn’t a loser. Just wait until he finds out about Vegas.
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So even though there were Toys for Tots and they didn’t go to the Bahamas, the Kardashians threw down big time for Kendall’s party. The Cirque-esque group, Lucent Dossier, performed; there was a candy bar; and one of Kendall’s favorite rappers, Tyga, gave a surprise performance. Plus, there were easily 200 people at the event — not the 50 Kendall originally requested.
That said, the birthday girl was thrilled with how everything went down.
“The party was amazing. I was so happy and I think everyone else was too. I honestly wouldn’t have changed a thing,” she raved.
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Flash forward two weeks later to Kendall’s driving test, take two. This time, she passed with flying colors and was bequeathed with a brand new Range Rover, after a quick pep talk from Bruce about responsibility.
Even though she’s down to earth for a Kardashian, Kendall snatched those keys out of his hands faster than Kim’s marriage to Kris Humphries went south. Hey, who turns down a brand new $80,000 car? Not even Kendall.
What did you think of Kendall’s Sweet 16 special? Were you entertained enough for it to warrant an entire spin off show on Kendall and Kylie? Sound off below!
Click to read Bonnie Says on Kendall’s Sweet 16!
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