Was Amy Winehouse’s deathly addiction to drugs fueled by her desperate and elusive search for true love?
Was it really only a coincidence that Amy was dumped by her boyfriend of almost a year, director Reg Traviss, 33, just a month before she died alone in bed after an alleged drug and alcohol binge?
Traviss, 33, a well-regarded British director, who was NOT an addict, supposedly split with the talented chanteuse, 27, after losing hope that he could save her from her addictions, according to Britain’s, Daily Mail newspaper.
This was undoubtedly the final blow for the artist who won five Grammy Awards for her hugely successful Back to Black album. Ultimately what Winehouse craved was not the huge singing career, fame and fortune that she had. It was something much more difficult to achieve.
“I know I’m talented, but I wasn’t put here to sing,” she told Rolling Stone magazine in 2007. “I was put here to be a wife and a mom and look after my family.”
Was Amy, the child of divorced parents, Mitch and Janis, desperately searching for the personal validation, unconditional love and security through a lasting romance, that many children of divorce suffer from? Was she so needy for affection that she became a love addict?
Absolutely, believes psychotherapist Dr. Gilda Carle of drgilda.com. “It’s not at all unusual for drug addicts to also be love addicts.An addict is an addict, is an addict. They can become addicted to a person as well as substances,” says Dr. Carle.
The huge problem of course is that Amy medicated her insecurity and emotional neediness with drugs and alcohol both when she had no romance in her life and when she did. Major drugs and alcohol.
Her search for love led her into the arms of the man who became her husband — video production assistant and addict Blake Fielder-Civil, who Amy’s father blamed for addicting her to heroin and crack cocaine during their mess of a dysfunctional and drug-fueled two- year marriage.
Amy’s father said Blake was not entirely responsible for introducing his daughter to drugs, but “it really kicked off when they got together.” The pair famously fought hard and often, splitting up and reconciling, then splitting up finally after Blake, whom she called “Baby”, was imprisoned and released. Their on and off tortured love affair was the inspiration behind her hit album, Back to Black. “All the songs are about the state of my relationship at the time with Blake,” she told Rolling Stone in that 2007 interview.. “I had never felt the way I feel about him about anyone in my life, she admitted and then made the very telling statement. ” I thought we’d never see each other again…. I wanted to die.”
Winehouse tattooed Blake’s name over her heart and he tattooed hers behind his right ear. The couple admitted they were obsessively in love. Now following Amy’s death, Blake is ” beyond inconsolable.” ” My tears won’t dry,” he told reporters. His mother, Georgette, confirmed to British reporters that her son had been back in touch with Amy and she described them as “soulmates.”
But Amy never really reclaimed her health even after the split, despite five stints in rehab. Where once she had been robust and fresh-faced, she withered away into pin thin-ness and her once radiant skin became sallower and sallower.
And really how could she get healthy if her torment was fueled by love addiction. “A love addict is someone whose whole reason for existing, centers around being involved in a relationship,” explains Jeff Gardere, a clinical psychologist and a contributor to Healthguru.com.
Amy admitted to her love neediness in a 2006 interview for Britain’s The Sun newspaper: “I did go to rehab for just 15 minutes,” she said. “I went in and said, ‘Hello’ and explained that I drink because I’m in love and have f****d up the relationship. Then I walked out.”
“Being loved by a man and being in a committed relationship was clearly very important to Amy. Losing that made her feel abandoned, lost and like a failure,” explains relationship expert, Cooper Lawrence from Fox’s Dish Nation and the Scott & Todd Show on PLJ. “Women like Amy, can be very successful in their careers, but without a successful relationship, they feel like failures.”
When Amy failed at love, it was more devastating than anything else, asserts Lawrence. “She probably felt completely misunderstood and like no one would ever love her for her.”
And failing at love can send addicts racing right back to getting high, so they can suppress their pain. It can also be very dangerous for them.
“When you are a love addict, you’re obsessed with the person. But when it’s not working out, you can become very depressed and it can lead to suicidal behavior,” says Dr. Gardere.
Is this exactly what happened to Amy? Friends of Winehouse are now speculating that she may have intentionally overdosed after the blowup with her then boyfriend, Traviss that led to their split, according to Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper. ” Reg found out Amy and (ex-husband) Blake had been chatting and got upset,” according to a source who spoke to the Mirror.” She had been drinking more and more whiskey … and then basically decided to play Russian roulette with her life. She was upstairs injecting heroin on a self destruct mission…. she was past the point of caring whether she lived or died. ”
This wouldn’t be a surprise to expert, Cooper Lawrence.” Addicts live in the moment. In Amy’s mind, her failed romance was the most devastating thing that ever could happen. She couldn’t see that she’d ever get past it.”
Tragically, she’ll never get that chance.
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