On the April 30 episode of Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) is forced to tell the staff at Grey-Sloane Memorial Hospital that her husband, Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey), is dead. After he is buried, she runs off — leaving everyone concerned about her well-being. However, we later find out that she is pregnant, giving Derek the last thing he ever asked her for: another child.
In case you were hoping for Meredith to wake up from a nightmare in which Derek was killed, I’m sorry to tell you that it’s just not going to happen. Derek is, in fact, dead — and now Meredith has to deliver that news to everyone else they love.
So, how can Meredith walk into a hospital filled with staff members that have helped shape her and Derek’s life for the past 11 years only to tell them that he’s dead?
First, we are forced to re-live the moment Meredith pulls the plug on Derek. The moment tears well in her eyes and she calls his name not once, but twice. Then, a flashback to her mother talking about “the love of her life” — Richard — being gone.
Meredith walks into a break room where everyone inside — Callie, Dr. Pierce, Webber, Hunt, and even Alex — are all joking around and talking about their days as if everything is fine and normal. Because in their world everything is fine and normal. But then, Meredith walks in.
Even as this is happening, there are flashbacks of when her mother abandoned her in a park.
She looks stunned, stupefied even, and doesn’t say a word for the first moment or so. They notice her there and someone even says something about how Derek’s flight was delayed, and that’s when Meredith speaks: “Derek is dead.”
Unfortunately, they can’t hear her over all of their joking and she’s forced to repeat it, twice, until the world stops turning. Everyone in the room stops and stares at her in silence. There are more flashbacks of her mother’s suicide attempt, flashbacks of her relationship with Derek, and that’s when she hits the floor, passing out right in front of them.
“He’s gone. He’s just gone. And there’s no getting him back,” we hear Ellis Grey say before the screen goes black.
It turns out that Meredith is dehydrated which is why she passed out, but now she’s laying in a hospital bed. Bailey comes running down the hall in tears but Dr. Webber won’t let her in to see him until she stops crying. Then, they tell Hunt that no one has told Amelia yet because she’s in surgery. Apparently, it’s protocol not to deliver personal news like that while a doctor in surgery because it can affect the way they perform.
Once Amelia’s surgery wraps it’s Hunt who tells her that Derek is dead in the washroom outside of the OR. When he says that it’s Derek who has been killed, she swallows hard and then instantly becomes stone cold. She shows no emotion, pushes Hunt away when he tries to embrace her, and acts as if her brother, Derek, dying is no big deal. It’s about as baffling as Derek being dead, honestly.
Derek’s funeral is a blur. We see the cars pulling up to the ceremony, we hear a piece of the sermon over his grave, and then we watch as Meredith sits blank-faced in her living room staring into nothing. That night she wakes up her toddler daughter, packs their bags, and leaves the house with the two kids.
It’s such a parallel to what her own mother did to her as a long girl that they even repeat the scene where a young Meredith is staring back at her house, but instead it’s Zola staring back into the dream home Derek built from the ground up. So, where is she going?
Apparently, no one knows. Everyone in the hospital is baffled by her disappearance, and they have all been calling, emailing, and more — but with no response. Meredith is officially off the radar.
As for Amelia? Well, wherever she is, whatever she’s doing, it’s left one unknown staff member in the hospital very upset. As the woman is loudly complaining about Amelia in the cafeteria Arizona overhears and snaps on the woman. It’s an intense moment that leaves the entire hospital cafeteria silenced until the woman walks away, properly shamed. Hey, she deserved it.
Later, we find out Meredith isn’t with anyone she or her friends know. Alex mentions that he even called Cristina, but that she doesn’t know where Mer is, either. In what world would Meredith disappear and not even tell Cristina where she is? And while we’re at it, in what world would Cristina not be there for Derek’s funeral?
Meanwhile, Jackson and April seem to be having trouble. She’s away, and she wants to stay away and continue working where she is, and Jackson is bummed but it doesn’t seem like he really has a say in the matter.
They aren’t the only ones having trouble, either. Jackson’s mom, Catherine, and Dr. Webber seem to be enjoying each others company up until the moment Richard decides to propose. Catherine stops him before he can even get on his knee to ask, and they get into a quiet argument about how important romantic moments are. Dr. Webber wants to give her grand gestures and mariachi bands, but she doesn’t want it. So, how long until these two break up again?
Finally, we see Amelia again. She’s looking at a patient’s scan, and she’s making some pretty bizarre jokes about Derek being dead and rolling over in his grave. It’s horrifying. She’s not only in denial, she’s backed herself into an emotion-free corner.
As this is happening, we’re slowly moving into the future. We breeze through the summer like it’s nothing, and then it’s Thanksgiving at Meredith’s old home which is still occupied by Alex, Jo, and Dr. Pierce. Meredith? Still nowhere to be found.
That is, until, Alex tries her one more time on the phone. This time, she answers, and she’s pissed. She tells him she’s fine, the kids are fine, and that he needs to stop calling. Then she hangs up. We could only see a little bit of her, but it looked like she was outdoors, maybe somewhere with warmer weather than Seattle. Ugh. Where could she be?
Then suddenly we’re at Christmas Eve and Callie is treating the hot cop she dated earlier in the season (and year). It’s clear he still has feelings for her, but Callie shuts him down pretty quickly.
April is still missing, even at Christmas. Jackson is spending Christmas Eve with Arizona, Alex, and Dr. Pierce. Arizona reveals that her daughter, Sophia, keeps asking about Zola, but that she doesn’t know what to tell her. As if on cue Jackson’s phone rings, and he steps away to talk to April. They argue almost immediately because she says she wishes she could be there and he reminds her that she could, all she has to do is get on a plane and leave.
Before the conversation can complete itself, there’s an explosion behind April and they get disconnected. Are we going to lose her, too?
Finally, we get to see where Meredith is. Actually, we don’t really know where she is, but she’s tucking Zola in and telling her she has to go to sleep or Santa won’t come. Then, Zola asks for a little sister, but Meredith just laughs and says she won’t get one tonight.
Surprise! When Meredith stands up we see that she’s pregnant — very pregnant. She’s definitely somewhere warm, and we get to see her and the kids playing on the beach as flashbacks play in front of her. It seems like she’s isolated herself from the world. Is she even working? Does she have any friends? Has she spoken to Cristina?
The flashbacks continue, and they are torture. So many amazing moments between Meredith and Derek, including the epic hospital prom night, and Derek’s voice telling Meredith that he wants to die in her arms when he’s 110 years old. It’s heartbreaking.
Back in Seattle, Callie breaks down over the loss of Derek when her patient, the hot cop named Dan, excels at using his prosthetic leg. She tells Dan about Derek and how he created the sensors being used to make his leg work, and how brilliant he was. It’s truly sad, and it shows that we’re going to be remembering Derek for a very long time. Hopefully.
On top of all this, April finally returns. She’s got lighter hair and she just shows up to unintentionally surprise Jackson who is so excited to see her he practically throws her in the air. Phew. At least she’s not dead!
As if something has snapped inside Grey-Sloane Memorial, Dr. Webber approaches Amelia about taking a break. That’s when she loses it and starts screaming about how people are taken from each other, and it’s clear she’s talking about Derek when she mentions a “podunk” hospital who couldn’t save someone. The meltdown catches the attention of everyone around her, including Hunt who just magically appeared in head-to-toe army gear. Is he coming or going?
Apparently, he’s coming. That night he shows up at Meredith and Derek’s home to see her, and he mentions that they haven’t seen each other in a while. When she’s not very welcoming he turns to walk away, and that’s when she reveals that she has a bag of drugs in her pocket.
Hunt is silent, and he stands there and watches as she completely loses her mind over Derek’s death — and everyone else’s death she’s experienced in her life. She’s a mess, she’s been a mess, and it’s all crumbling around her.
Instead of leaving her behind, Owen gives Amelia a brilliant, heartfelt speech about how humans are supposed to feel. They aren’t supposed to run away and join the army, or run away and do drugs, or any of that. His words get to her, and when she hands over the bag of drugs she completely loses it. Derek’s death has finally hit her, and it came on hard, strong, and unexpected. Thankfully, Hunt was there to break her fall. Literally.
Somewhere in the world at the very same time, Meredith goes into labor. Unfortunately it happens right in front of Zola, and instead of her water breaking there is a lot of blood, but the smart little girl calls 911. Of course as this is happening there are flashbacks of when Meredith had to call 911 on her own mother, as well as flashbacks of Ellis Grey giving up her daughter, Dr. Pierce, for adoption.
When Meredith wakes up in her hospital room, the nurse tells her that her husband is here. Before anyone’s hopes can get too high, it’s Alex who walks in the room — because Meredith listed him as her emergency contact.
Moments later the nurse brings a beautiful baby girl to Meredith. Her name is Ellis, and Alex says that she looks just like Meredith. But, does she decide to keep the little girl… or give her away?
With the help of Alex, Meredith finally returns home — new baby in tow. Slowly but surely she gets back into the swing of things, and she even spends time catching up with her friends about the year of their lives she missed.
The last thing we see is Meredith finding Derek’s lab coat still hanging in the closet when she returns to the hospital. She takes his surgery cap out of his pocket and puts it on her own head, and then heads into her first surgery since she returned home.
One last flashback is her mom, Ellis, talking about moving forward after losing Richard. And that’s exactly what Meredith is doing now after losing Derek.
What do YOU think, HollywoodLifers — Were you shocked to see that Meredith had a baby? Were you upset that Cristina and Addison didn’t return for his funeral?
— Lauren Cox
Follow @Iaurencox
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