Nick Cannon posted an emotional tribute to his son Zen, a year after he died from a brain tumor at only five months old. The TV host, 42, shared a photo of himself cradling Zen as well as a few other photos of Zen on Instagram, as he recalled how difficult the day he died was. He revealed that he had a sleepless night before the “painful anniversary” of his death on Monday, December 5. “Mentally and Spiritually I’m broken,” he wrote. “Been tossing and turning all night, and as much as I know I need rest, last night I couldn’t sleep at all.”
Nick called the day that Zen died the “toughest day of [his] life,” and spoke about how he still has so many emotions following his son’s sudden and unexpected death. “Losing a child has to be the heaviest, most dark and depressive experiences that I will never get over. A mixture of guilt, pain, and sorrow is what I suppress daily,” he wrote.
The Masked Singer host also spoke about how much he tries to share and spread love and said he wished his son could’ve experienced it more during his short lifetime. “I love big and I love with my entire Heart and Soul and I just wish my Little Man could’ve felt more of that love while he was here on Earth,” he wrote.
Nick also revealed that a spiritual leader had told him he was “in the midst of one of the most challenging seasons of [his] life,” and he spoke about his recent hospitalization for pneumonia. He said that he could use prayers while looking back on the death of his son. ” I can definitely use those prayers right now,” he wrote with a broken heart emoji. “Continue to Peacefully Rest My Son, Zen Scott Cannon. We Love you Eternally.”
Zen was Nick’s seventh child. He fathered the baby with model Alyssa Scott in June 2021. Throughout the year, Alyssa has shared a number of heartbreaking tributes to her son. Nearly a year after their son’s death, Nick and Alyssa announced that they were expecting another child, his 12th. She shared a nude photoshoot to share the news. “This is a MIRACLE & a BLESSING,” she wrote in the caption.
Alyssa has made her Instagram private, but before she did she shared a moving memorial for Zen in August. “My body feels it. I’ve been on the verge of tears the last few days. Trying to keep a forward momentum,” she wrote. “I miss my boy.”