Kaitlyn Bristowe opened up in her new YouTube series ‘Nine To Wine’ about her struggles with severe depression that led to a massive weight loss.
Kaitlyn Bristowe just got very candid in a new YouTube video. The Bachelorette star shared a clip titled “My Life Story” as part of her new series Nine To Wine, and revealed that she struggled with a valium addiction. The 34-year-old said she suffered a severe bout of depression in her twenties before appearing on the reality TV series. “When I say I lost myself, that is an understatement,” she said, reference to her time spent in Europe with a boyfriend she moved to Germany for. “I think I had out-of-body experiences in Germany. Where I was a child and I was screaming and kicking on the floor, bawling my eyes out. It was like I was looking down on myself, going, ‘Why are you behaving this way? This is not who you are, get up off the floor.’ And I couldn’t.”
The Bachelorette turned podcast star said she was a “shell” of herself, and ended her relationship before moving back to North America. “[I felt like] I had nothing and that life was over for me, that I’d given up all my hopes and dreams, and that the love of my life was now gone.” Kaitlyn’s doctor then prescribed her Valium in addition to an antidepressant. “I was open to being on [the antidepressant], but Valium I had never really known what that was or what it would do to me,” she said, adding that it made her feel numb.
“I didn’t feel anything. I got to sleep, I got to not feel my feelings, and that felt great to me,” she said. “I had become addicted to Valium, and I was about 93 pounds. That was when somebody had to shake me and say, ‘You can’t live like this. This is not you.'” The Canada native said she eventually realized she wanted to “feel feelings” again. “I wanted to go back to Vancouver and get a job and start over and meet people and get out. So I did.” Kaitlyn worked in the restaurant industry before being cast on Chris Soules‘ season of The Bachelor.
Kaitlyn, who is dating Bachelorette alum Jason Tartick, said she is now in a “loving, fulfilling” relationship. “I always think if I could go back to my 27-year-old self and talk to her, I would say, ‘You can’t let anyone be responsible for your own happiness. That is up to you.”