Taylor Swift Reveals She’s ‘Not Ready’ For Kids Amidst ‘Happiness’ With Joe Alwyn In New Doc

@TheHapaBlonde / BACKGRID

In Taylor Swift’s new documentary, ‘Miss Americana,’ she opens up about her relationship with Joe Alwyn, and why she’s not ready for kids as she approaches the age of 30.

Taylor Swift gears up to celebrate her 29th birthday in one scene of her new Netflix documentary, Miss Americana, and she makes a rare statement about starting a family in the clip. “There’s part of me that feels like I’m 57 years old, but there’s part of me that’s definitely not ready to have kids and definitely not ready for all that grown up stuff,” Taylor says. “I kind of don’t really have the luxury of figuring stuff out, though, because my life is planned two years ahead of time. Literally, in two months, they’ll come at me with dates for the next tour.” The footage was filmed more than a year ago, in the fall of 2018.

However, despite not being ready to settle down and start a family, Taylor makes it clear in the documentary that she’s in an extremely happy relationship with Joe Alwyn. While discussing her 2016 drama with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, Taylor opens up about how she fell for the British actor. “I felt alone, I felt really bitter,” she explains. “I felt sort of like a wounded animal lashing out. I figured I had to reset everything. I had to reconstruct an entire belief system for my own personal sanity. I also was falling in love with someone who had a wonderfully normal, balanced life.”

She adds that she and Joe “decided together” that their relationship would be private. “Even though it was [a] really horrible [time], I was happy,” she gushes. “But i wasn’t happy in the way I was trained to be happy. It was happiness without anyone else’s input. We were just…happy.”

The documentary doesn’t delve too much into Taylor and Joe’s relationship. However, we do get to see some intimate footage that shows just how blissfully happy the singer is with Joe. In one clip, she sings him her song, “Call It What You Want,” which is about how he made her feel better after the drama of 2016. She has a huge smile on her face, and even mouths the words, “I love you,” to Joe as he begins to sing along in the background. Another scene shows Taylor running offstage from a show on her Reputation tour and into Joe’s arms. She looks at him adoringly, and can’t let go. It’s not much, but her happiness is very clearly written across her face.

Finding someone to really love was a huge milestone for Taylor, as earlier in the doc, she lamented over not having that person in the past. Specifically, Taylor references her 2016 Album of the Year win at the Grammys, which she says is “all she ever wanted.” Despite the massive achievement, though, Taylor admits there was something missing.

“I didn’t have a partner that I climbed [that mountain] with that I could high five,” she says. “I didn’t have anyone I could talk to that could relate to it. I had my mom, but I just wondered….shouldn’t there be someone I could call right now?” Now, of course, she does!