While talking about celebrating the first Mother’s Day since Kim Porter’s unexpected passing, Diddy couldn’t hold back his grief, as he began weeping while saying he doesn’t ‘know what I’m going to do’ without her.
“This Mother’s Day is gonna hurt,” Sean “Diddy” Combs, 49, said when speaking to ESSENCE magazine. In the interview — ESSENCE released 20 minutes of raw audio as part of their Yes, Girl! podcast — the hip-hop icon broke down when thinking about how this coming holiday will be the first Mother’s Day since the death of Kim Porter, the mother of three of his children. “We’re gonna celebrate all the mothers. We’re not gonna get in the way of that. But, honestly, [for] anybody that’s lost a mother or lost a soulmate it takes time. It takes time. They say time heals all wounds, [but] when it comes to your other or mothers, I don’t think that’s the case.”
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” said Diddy around the 20:44 mark, as he failed to keep back his tears, “I’m gonna figure something out, though. This hurts so much. I know that people want to hear like, the good stuff. It hurts. There ain’t no way around that. I wanted to do [this] ’cause I wanted to let everybody know. I think we have the strongest beings — if you come to a category of ‘who’s the strongest beings on the face of the earth,’ [and] it would have to be black mothers. I don’t think anybody could understand how hard it is to be a black mother. “
Kim Porter died of pneumonia at the age of 47 on Nov. 15, 2018, and her life and legacy are celebrated on the cover of ESSENCE’s May 2019 issue. Dream Hampton, who wrote the story, said the magazine “made a historic—and possibly controversial—decision to put a man on the cover in celebration of Mother’s Day.” Sean posed with his and Kim’s 12-year-old twins, D’Lila and Jessie, and Chance Combs, 13, his daughter from a previous relationship with Sarah Chapman. Whatever controversy this cover might create should be dispelled after reading Diddy’s love for the woman he called his “soul mate.”
“Kim was about love, and all of that care she gave to us every day, we just came together. It really made me proud that even though I didn’t get married, Kim and I, along with the other mothers of my children, raised a great family. We have a great family. The way we’re handling it is together,” he told ESSENCE. “We’re doing really well because her passing has changed us and made us love each other more. I’m happy to say that, because at first I really didn’t know how we’d be doing. But God is the greatest. And it’s because of Kim we’re doing this well, because of the way she loved us. We wouldn’t be able to love any other way. Her spirit wouldn’t let us.”
The May 2019 issue of ESSENCE is available on newsstands and digital platforms on May 10.