Jonghyun’s message to his sister shortly before his suicide isn’t the only note he left behind. A longer farewell letter written by the SHINee singer has been made public.
The tragic death of SHINee‘s Jonghyun shook K-pop fans yesterday, Dec. 18, but we now have some insight into how the singer was feeling before he sadly committed suicide. The pop star, whose real name is Kim Jong-hyun, wrote a note that was made public on Dec. 19 when Nine, a musician with band Dear Cloud uploaded the message to his Instagram. “I am broken from inside,” Jonghyun wrote. “The depression that had been slowly eating me up finally devoured me and I couldn’t defeat it.”
While the note doesn’t specify what Jonghyun was weighed down by, it suggests that being famous added to the pressure. “Maybe I wasn’t supposed to come up against the world; maybe I wasn’t supposed to be known to the world; I’ve learned that’s what [makes my life] difficult. How come I chose that,” he wrote. Nine actually received the note two weeks before the singer’s death, according to her management.
The letter comes just one day after police said the 27-year-old sent his older sister a troubling text message, hinting at suicide. “It’s been too hard. Please send me off. Tell everyone I’ve had a hard time. This is my last goodbye,” he wrote. The note is actually what caused his sister to notify police, who found him unconscious in a hotel in Seoul, South Korea. Officials confirmed it appeared he tried to kill himself with coal briquettes lit inside a frying pan. His family decided not to have an autopsy completed on him. “We’ve decided not to autopsy the body, as it is certain that the deceased had taken his own life and the bereaved families did not want it,” an official from Seoul Gangnam Police said on Dec. 19. “We will wrap up the investigation as soon as we‘ve finished talking to the family.”
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