Not everyone gets that ‘love at first sight’ type of feeling, but there usually IS a lightbulb moment in a relationship when you either KNOW it’s real or you know it WON’T work. If you’re confused about your current bae, read these tips from married gals below!
I wasn’t trying to be obnoxious in any way, but a friend just about ripped my head off when I told her I had never been on an online dating site or app. “It sucks!” she screamed at me. I’ve been married since 2013, and with my husband for over 10 years, so I never had the Bumble experience. I seriously got lucky, because before him, I dated a string of irresponsible and flakey guys, with no motivation to be much of anything in life. But things were different when I met the one. He was thoughtful, mature, driven — in the beginning, I joked that he was boring because he was so responsible — but that’s exactly what I wanted and needed for a lifelong partner.
Here are more tips from real women about how and when they knew they had something special:
THOUGHTFULNESS: “One day after work I was going to meet Ryan at his apartment. I got off the subway and it was pouring rain. Before I had time to panic, I came up the stairs and saw Ryan there with an umbrella waiting for me. He had been waiting for who knows how long because he didn’t know if I had my own umbrella and didn’t want me to get soaked. It was such a simple gesture, but so thoughtful and I knew this was someone who I could spend my life with knowing he would always be kind and thoughtful and love me in really tangible ways.” — Kristi, New York
SELFLESSNESS: “He always goes out of his way to make things better and easier for me. When we first started dating, he would always spend more time commuting to come to me. Now that we are married, he still does little things, like going out to get ice cream for me after dinner.” — Lisa, Colorado
NO JUDGEMENT: “He is the first person I dated who I can be 100% myself around and be 100% honest with. I never feel guarded or like I have to censor myself. No matter what I say, I know he’ll never judge me or think less of me.” — Christine, St. Louis
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: “It was super strange, but I spotted him across the room looking at me and sort of laughing. Initially I thought, ‘who is this turd laughing at me? I don’t even know him’ but about 2 seconds later it switched to ‘his shirt is SO ugly’ and then ‘crap, I bet I’m going to marry him.’ Later that night he walked up to me, introduced himself, and said ‘sorry I was laughing. It wasn’t at you. I told my friend that’s the girl I’m going to marry.’ We were engaged 3 months later and have been married for more than 6 years now :)” — Bryce from TheLuxurySpot.com
MATURITY: I’m very creative, but my husband works in finance and is all about numbers. He literally helped me plan a budget and get my shopping in check since I was living way beyond my means as a young 20-something. He also makes sure we always pay our bills on time — not very sexy, but it helps an immense about when you are trying to find an apt or a house and the bank runs your credit score.
HONESTY: You should never have to lie about anything to someone who loves you. Even if you messed up in some way, it’s better to be open so you both can move on and learn from the experience. Similarly, jealousy is toxic. Have faith and trust in your man that his eyes are only for you. Social media stalking can be a dangerous game and things can get taken out of context. Your guy won’t want to jeopardize your relationship with any funny business if he’s really the one.
YOU SHARE VALUES AND PRIORITIES: This doesn’t have to be a first date conversation, but when things get serious, you should be taking about having kids — if you want them at all and how many — and how you’ll raise them. If going to church is extremely important to you and shaped your childhood, your partner should know you value that part of life. People can compromise, but sometimes differences can be too extreme.
LET GO OF PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS: Stop dating people who only fit into a small mold or who are “your type.” You may surprise yourself. My husband is very different than me, but the saying “opposites attract” definitely worked for us. Together, we make a great team.
HollywoodLifers, do these tips help you in any way? How did you know your partner was the one?