Move over, ‘creepy guy looking for a date to Coachella,’ there’s a new Craigslist freak in town! A man is looking for a woman to impregnate during the solar eclipse in Oregon (to create the ‘next level of human evolution,’ duh) and his ad will have you screaming!
Brace yourself for the weirdest thing that you may ever read. People have been making special plans to see the rare total solar eclipse over Oregon for years. Hotels are sold out, flights are all booked, people will do anything to see the special phenomenon. However, one man has a very different kind of plan, and it’s totally freakin’ bizarre. Of course, it all started with an ad on Craigslist that has the internet cringing, hard.
“I am 40 years of age, Caucasian male from Europe. My heritage is strong and pure,” he begins. Already off to a weird start with the talk of a “strong and pure” heritage, but we try to give someone a chance before we judge them, so let’s continue. “My looks, instincts, knowledge and strength is 100% pure and 100% lethal.” Um… getting weirder here, man. Who describes their personality traits as “lethal” without being a legit serial killer?
But let’s cut to the chase. What are you looking for, oh odd Craigslist wanderer? “I am looking for a worthy female with strong genes, beauty and smarts. To join me – to experience the totality eclipse in Oregon.” Hm. “experiencing” an eclipse with this dude must come with strings attached, right? Oh, you have NO idea. “If we have chemistry, I would like for us to make love while the eclipse is happening.” And if we don’t have chemistry, GTFO!
You may think this is just your average freak that wants to have a once-in-a-lifetime sexual experience, but this is sooo much more stunning than that. “When totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution.” Yeah, you read that right. This dude literally thinks he’s capable of creating a FREAKING X-MAN!
But we mean, he’s not CRAZY. He knows it takes very specific circumstances to create an evolves baby, and he’s prepared with the proper scientific protocol. “We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun. Everything will be aligned in the local universe. Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets. In a brief moment of ecstasy, we will understand everything, and together, create a new universe. Full of love.” Wow. Just wow.
If this wasn’t unbelievable enough already, you literally won’t be able to handle his stipulations. “You must like cats. Drugs are OK. Nitrous Oxide while we climax and experience totality and conception, is OK with me.” Like, bro, you think you’re going to take the whole human race to the next level with this baby and you don’t care if his mom is high while conceiving it? Weak. This guy has limited time to find his perfect partner because the eclipse is coming up quick, on Aug. 21. Don’t miss the opportunity of a lifetime, people!
HollywoodLifers, is this the weirdest Craigslist ad you’ve ever seen? Let us know!