They’re baaaack! Fin and April Shepard face an even crazier challenge in the 5th ‘Sharknado’ movie: a global ‘swarming’! When their son gets trapped in a sharknado, it’s up to them to travel the world and kick some shark ass. Here’s the craziest moments from the film!
You know it’s going to be interesting when the title card is in the Indiana Jones font. Sharknado 5: Global Swarming opens with the Shepard family, Fin (Ian Ziering), April (Tara Reid) and their son Gil (Billy Barratt), visiting the Prime Minister of England (Chris Kattan) for an important meeting. We don’t find out what it’s about because Finn is called away for an emergency. Nova (Cassandra Scerbo) has discovered a mysterious cave marked with the sign of the shark. It’s located below Stonehenge, by the way.
The movie goes full Indy at this point, with the not-so-subtle entrance into the booby trapped cave. A skeleton attached to a spiked wall is wearing a fedora and carrying a whip. Yes, they’re implying that Indiana Jones was a real person killed trying to solve the mystery of the Sharknado. Hijinks ensue when they use the counterbalance move from Raiders of the Lost Ark to remove a crystal shark fin idol from the cave. A brutal storm erupts above Stonehenge. You can guess what happens next.
You know the drill: the sharknado takes out Stonehenge and then descends upon London. At one point, the family racing through town in a double-decker bus that hits Bret Michaels. He continues to wail on his guitar while sharks fly by. Like its four predecessors, Sharknado 5 is chock full of D-list celebrity cameos. In case you forgot, April came back from the dead in Sharknado 4 and was bionic. She pulls a very Captain America move and brings a helicopter down from the sky. And for most of the film, she flies around with the jetpacks in her feet. It’s surprisingly the thing that makes the most sense in this film. At the same time this is happening, her son is sucked into the Sharknado and her husband is riding a great white shark through Buckingham Palace to save the Queen (Charo, she doesn’t have any lines). The credits don’t even roll until about 20 minutes into the movie. Sure!
I’m not going to spoil the movie for you and let you know if/when our intrepid heroes rescue young Gil. It’s more fun to find that out on your own. All you need to know that it’s the same shark, different day (to borrow a phrase from the film), but this time, it’s a worldwide disaster. That’s disaster as in, both the sharknado itself and Sharknado the movie. There are plenty of ill-advised moments in the film, like showing two Japanese women throwing pokéballs at the storm when it rages through Tokyo. Or, you know, casting New York from Flavor of Love and Clay Aiken to be weapons experts. It’s a minor, but inconsequential — and thoroughly necessary — spoiler to let you know that Abby Lee Miller from Dance Moms gets her head bitten off by a shark. And yes, in case you were wondering, the pope is played by Fabio. The bottom line is that Sharknado 5: Global Swarming is a global mess that takes the heroes, and the viewers, around the world in rapid time. But it’s a fun mess. You get what you expect from a Sharknado movie: a bad, but so-bad-it’s-good, romp.
HollywoodLifers, what did you think of Sharknado 5? Was it your favorite of the series? Let us know!