How devastating! Colton Haynes is revealing how deeply he struggled with his mental and emotional health and how the actor abused alcohol and pills to cope. Keep reading for his heartbreaking first person account of how he overcame severe demons.
Colton Haynes, 28, is giving us the most in-depth details of how he was plagued by terrible depression, despite starring on such hit shows as Arrow and Teen Wolf. In a deeply personal testimonial for Paper magazine, the actor — who came out as gay in May after going to rehab for anxiety — does a mental health check-in of where he was several years ago versus how he’s doing now.
In a passage dated Nov. 2, 2014, he wrote, “Something’s been off recently. I honestly wake up after five hours of sleep wide awake. It’s probably from the bottle of wine I drank before I finally fell asleep/passed out or the amount of pills I’d had. I read up on why I’m experiencing numbness and lack of circulation in my hands and feet and it’s due to the stimulants…I’m a vampire. A shell.”
He continues, “Wishing I was the old Colton.The person who used to love going out and talking to my family/friends. Now I’m so closed off to the world that I can’t even get up enough courage to go in public. I’m afraid of people and have become agoraphobic. When I do leave the house it’s for work, the liquor store, or to grab coffee and an occasional sandwich from the store to suppress the hunger.” How devastating!
The star realized he was blessed with acting success, but couldn’t get over the downsides of fame. “People don’t understand the things you give up in life when you step into the limelight. No one really wants to get to know you, they just want you to post a pic of them on Instagram or to like their photo. VAPID. I got myself into this mess and even though I am losing the battle right now…I won’t in the long run. Mark my words.”
Colton then brings us to where he is in the present day, and he’s in such a better place. In testimonial dated Nov. 12, 2016 he reveals, “I’m finally realizing is that I can’t and wouldn’t want to go back to that headspace ever again. So clouded and unsure about myself, my life, my privacy, my mental health. I’m finally in a position where I can say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,” he writes. “I’ve accomplished so much with so little and my smile is finally not forced. I’ve taken control of my own life for the first time and won’t ever let anyone silence me or my passions ever again. I’m finally free.” Aww Colton, you’re so inspiring!
HollywoodLifers, what do you think of Colton’s powerful message?