Having your BFF slowly drift away because of her obsession with her S.O. is one thing. Thinking your BFF is marrying the wrong person is absolutely another – and may require some action.
By: Jen Glantz / Elite Daily
It’s only natural that you want the absolute best for your BFF. This person has been there for you through your ups and downs, your wrong decisions and many of your right ones.
So when it’s time for them to say “I do” to the person they’ve loved for awhile, you would, in most cases, be over-the-moon thrilled for them.
But what if you’re not? What if the person they are marrying rubs you the wrong way? What if they you have a two-page mental list of reasons why they are not the right person for your friend?
What if you feel in your gut that if you don’t speak up about this, you’ll live with a huge amount of regret for a very long time?
Well, you are in luck. There’s something you can do about it, as long as you do something now (nobody wants to be the person who screams out “I object” during the ceremony).
So, here are four things you can do to stop your best friend from marrying the wrong person.
Remember, you better speak now or forever (and forever can be an awfully long time) hold your peace:
1. Get real, real fast.
You may be overwhelmed with nerves when you think about having to tell your best friend that you have a bad feeling about the person she is marrying.
The best way to handle it is to just spit it out. Don’t sugarcoat it or try to beat around the bush. Go some place private and let her know you have to get something off your chest. It may be a shock and it may make her distance herself from you, but only temporarily.
Plus, she may hear you say these things and then get slapped in the face with the harsh reality of her situation. And at the end of the day, that’s your end game.
2. Ask a series of questions.
If you want to play the role of “therapist,” then you will want to use their number one technique to get people to come to conclusions about themselves: ask a lot of questions.
If you ask questions about how their partner is and usually treats them, you may help bring them back to reality and open their eyes to the fact that the person they are about to marry is totally wrong for them.
You can ask them questions like: Does he ever take the time to ask you how your day is? Does he show any interest in your hobbies? Does he support the fact that you want to quit your job and start your own business in a year from now? You know the answers to these questions is no, and after this afternoon of interrogation, they may very well see that, too.
3. Chat with the groom.
This one is for the brave souls. If that’s you, bless your heart.
There’s nothing wrong with having a one-on-one with the groom. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Pull them aside on a night that you all get together or ask if he’ll meet you for coffee.
The best time to do this is way before the actual wedding takes place. Perhaps it’s right when he pops the question and you’ve found that your nights are sleepless because you know your friend is about to make the worst decision, or perhaps it’s before he even goes to buy the ring. The sooner, the better.
If you’re wondering what to say to him, the more blunt you can be the better. Don’t sugarcoat your feelings. Instead, let him know that you have some hesitations about your friend and him spending the rest of their lives together.
This seems impossible and a bit scary. It definitely is, but the best way to fix a problem, sometimes, is to go directly to the route of the problem.
Just know, this route may backfire. He may go back to your friend, and she might come back to you in mass hysterics. Either ask the groom-to-be to not say that this conversation ever happened, or just accept the fact that you may anger your friend by going behind her back.
4. Avoid the attack route.
You are indeed going to have an awkward conversation with either your friend or the person she’s about to marry, so when you do have this conversation, the best thing you can do is make it happens in a safe and calming environment.
The less you can make the whole situation feel like you are on the defense and about to go into attack mode, the more the other person may actually hear you out.
Do it over a glass of wine, or do it when you both are sitting down somewhere. Don’t have the conversation in the middle of a party or when you are three vodka sodas in.
Being a good friend often means that you have to support the other person through the good and the bad. But if she’s about to say “I do” to a person who is just plain old bad for her, then you shouldn’t feel guilty about being proactive and voicing your opinion. Just do it in the right way, at the right time.
Good luck, BFF warrior. Good luck!