The hills are alive with the sound of projectile vomit as the world’s worst wedding announcement has come from a Von Trapp family great-grandson. Keep reading for what Nathaniel Peters did that has made him the subject of total internet ridicule.
Normally wedding announcements are things of happiness and bliss, recalling the charm of how a couple fell in love and ended up down the aisle. But for Nathaniel Peters — a great-grandson of Georg and Maria Von Trapp made famous from The Sound of Music — and his new wife Barbara Jane Sloan, their tale of love is so hipster and cringe inducing it has made them the joke of the internet. Keep reading for why New York Times readers couldn’t help but pour scorn upon the happy couple.
As for the couple’s courtship, the announcement made it seem ridiculously twee. “Sometimes, I could hear him coming because he would be singing to himself, usually opera,’ said Ms. Sloan, 31.” Really?! Just walking around a field singing opera to yourself, who doesn’t do that? But the next line is the one that will make you really want to punch something as it reads, “When she visited his house, she generally arrived with an armful of baguettes and pastries, leftovers from the bakery where she worked. “I started referring to her as our ‘friend with breadifits,’” he said. Dadum-bum! Is this guy for real?
It then chronicles how they loved to sit around his family’s Vermont ski lodge singing in harmony – oh so Sound of Music that guy — and when she realized they were spending way more time together than regular pals should, she asked “‘Is this fair? We are not too close, right?’ He said, ‘No, we are just two pilgrims along the way, traveling together for a while.’” OMG pilgrims?! Who talks like that? Oh, a guy who likes someone with “breadifits.”
He actually really meant the whole “pilgrims” thing, bringing it up again as his beloved recalled that he said to her, “Remember our conversation about being two pilgrims along the way? Well, I would like to make a slight amendment. I’d like to take you down to the Public Garden and have a picnic and read from P.G. Wodehouse.” Oh man, what wild and crazy first date!
For the big ceremony, “The couple created a 16-page illustrated pamphlet to guide the 172 guests through the carefully curated nuptial Mass, which was led by the Rev. Brian E. Daley, a Roman Catholic priest. Along with many prayers, blessings and readings, there were 15 different pieces of music performed. Mr. Peters described the music as: “Joyful, rich, lush. Lush like a forest, not like an alcoholic.” Umm, yeah thanks for the clarification, because so many people would use a term for booze abuse to describe the happiest day of their lives.
HollywoodLifers, would you ever publish a wedding announcement?