We’re one week away from hometowns on ‘The Bachelorette,’ so Andi’s six remaining bachelors had to get serious on June 30 and really start throwing around the L-word. No one wants to be the guy who gets so close to the promise land only to get sent home — especially Josh M., that already happened to him with professional baseball.
From pasta and canals to waffles and a weird statue of a baby urinating — The Bachelorette left romantic Venice, Italy and headed to Brussels, Belgium on June 30, where six bachelors did their best not to get sent home before the hometown dates. Look, I wasn’t too thrilled about this week’s venue. Number one, I’ve been to Brussels, and besides having delicious beer, it’s easily the most boring major city in Europe. Secondly, the United States plays Belgium in the World Cup Round of 16 tomorrow, so I’m not saying anything nice about that godforsaken country for at least the next 24 hours.
‘The Bachelorette’: Why Should I Visit Your Hometown?
Just a note to kick things off — apparently every guy bought a cheap cloth scarf in Venice, because they were all wearing them in their Brussels hotel. And they all looked absolutely ridiculous. Okay, moving on!
Andi Dorfman took Marcus for a stroll around Brussels to do all the cliche stuff Brussels has to offer — mussels, chocolates, witbiers, waffles — while somehow NOT eating french fries with mayo or going to visit Manneken Pis, that urinating baby statue I was talking about earlier. Amateurs.
Perhaps at Chris Harrison‘s expertly coy urging, Marcus almost immediately launched into his pitch to Andi. It struck me as oddly similar to Cody‘s sad/scary rambling last week, but lucky for Marcus, he’s got a little more latitude with Andi than the toe-headed wonder (I still love you Cody, even though I will never sit in a room alone with you).
At dinner, Marcus really made Andi want to visit his hometown, and by that I mean he went on and on about his abandonment issues, as well as how badly his mother was beaten as a child. He’s a horrible salesman. He’ll never be like Nick. And yet, by the end of the thing, Andi dropped her now famous line: “This is a man in front of me.”
Yeah Andi, you’re right. You know who else is a man? The other 24 contestants on this season. In fact, I’d assume most of the people you’ve gone on dates with are men.
Andi Makes Josh Say ‘I Love You’
Nick is a man. He’s a man who snuck up to Andi’s room — thanks to the most lax hotel concierge woman ever — after Marcus’ date to steal her away. THIS GUY IS TOO GOOD AT THIS. He’s officially reaching Courtney Robertson levels, guys, and that’s saying something. We’ll come back to this and the reverberations it caused with the other bachelors later — first let’s touch on Josh‘s one-on-one date.
After being a clear frontrunner, Josh has fallen on hard times over the past couple of weeks. I think it’s because Andi’s more interested in hearing about childhood beatings than making out non-stop at this point. Josh isn’t — how do I say this? — good at talking, so he’s struggling to keep up.
But finally, in an old castle in Ghent, Josh tried to discuss his feelings and his fears as Andi backed him into a corner and forced him to say the L-word. It was like the lamest Game of Thrones scenes ever. It also felt really unfair, like Andi was some demon witch who subsisted solely on hearing pretty men tell her they love her.
Who’s Afraid Of Nick The Villain?
Now back to the saga of the bachelors versus Hurricane Nick. Andi brought Nick, Dylan, Brian, and Chris to some nondescript countryside in Belgium. There they visited an abbey with an unenforced “No Kissing” rule where Chris turned Andi on by reenacting a scene from Ghost. It’s official — literally anything gets Andi going. Even denim shirts.
After pottery class, Nick, the newly-minted villain, started telling the rest of the guys that he was definitely going to hometowns, and sure enough, they were super offended by that. He then took his game-playing to the next level by bringing up marriage, and it paid off big-time — he got the group date rose and clinched a spot in the final four.
The sour taste from the group date carried over into the night when Dylan, Brian and Chris came back to the hotel to recruit Josh and Marcus. It was awkward town from then on, as the bachelors staged an intervention. Nick described it as “a tongue-lashing,” which was pretty spot-on.
He also made another good point by saying that he didn’t come on The Bachelorette to be in a frat house though. It’s a point that some get and others don’t. There have been many reality stars before Nick, who likewise, “weren’t there to make friends.” And sometimes that’s what it takes in life/the reality-verse to get what you want.
‘The Bachelorette’: Who Went Home?
No matter how much they bashed Nick, the five player-haters had to go to the rose ceremony hoping — not knowing, like Nick — that they’d be bringing Andi to their hometowns next week. Though that didn’t stop Nick the Villain from rearing his head once more, stealing Andi away from Brian, and then crying on camera. I don’t know why he did that last part, but let’s just say it was weird to see moisture just stick to his cheeks when he was doing it. He doesn’t even cry like a normal person.
In the end, Nick’s evilness (I’m just blaming everything on him this week) got the better of Brian and Dylan. No shockers there. Brian almost definitely lived with his mom, and was a high school basketball coach. As for Dylan, the Italian lie detector guys got more screen time than him in the past two weeks — I saw his departure coming from a mile away.
Next week, the guys get to cut the tourist schtick and show off their hometowns. I’m excited to meet Nick, Josh and Chris’ families — I do NOT want to meet Marcus’ family. They sound terrifying.
— Andrew Gruttadaro