We’ve finally hit the point in this season of ‘The Bachelorette’ where almost everyone is a legitimate contender to become Andi’s husband. The competition is getting thick, and there’s no longer any time to waste broing out or causing controversies over possibly made up racial slurs.
From one romantic location to the next! After dumping Andrew, Patrick, and Marquel in the south of France last week on The Bachelorette, Andi Dorfman and her remaining bachelors headed to Kimye wedding land, formerly known as Italy.
‘The Bachelorette’: Nick V. Keeps Saying The Right Thing
After a quick commercial about gondolas (Oh wait. That was part of the show?) Andi met her boys in Venice and made things super awkward by deciding to bring Nick V. on a one-on-one date and telling the rest of the guys to go home.
“I feel like I’m a pet dog right now,” Cody, suddenly a truth-sayer, said. (Note how they play, like, old-timey carnival music whenever Cody’s the focus of a scene.)
The one-on-one with Nick was your run of the mill mushy romance stuff mixed with Nick’s one-of-a-kind game-playing. He’s consistently just standoffish enough for Andi to be intrigued and attracted, which he then capitalizes on by just making out with her until she forgets how much of a d**k he might be.
Here’s what Nick said after Andi grilled him about how he may or may not think he’s a frontrunner:
I don’t like the word. Here’s what I’ve said numerous times — I feel incredibly fortunate to have the connection that we have. It is hard to imagine anyone else having that with you. I cherish that and I don’t take it for granted.
By the way, Nick gave this whole speech while darting his eyes back in forth as if he wasn’t sure whether Andi was going to buy his BS or not. He then dropped the L word just to seal the deal.
I’ve told you again and again — this guy’s good.
Can The Bachelors Be Trusted?
After Nick’s date, I had never been dying for a group date more — and this one turned out to be pretty solid. I’m down for all sorts of hokey nonsense, so the fact that this date consisted almost entirely of the guys taking lie detector tests — ministered by “two of Italy’s finest experts,” because I’m sure they didn’t have anything better to do — made me very happy.
What was disappointing though is that the guys weren’t allowed to watch each other take the tests. Most of the questions disappointed me as well (soft balls, I tell ya!), so I decided to ask each guy a question of my own:
Josh M.: Do you know how to spell the word “baseball?”
Dylan: Seriously though, how mad are you at Andi for forcing you to cry and talk about your deceased siblings on national television?
Marcus: Why are you so creepy?
JJ: How could a guy who calls himself a pantsapreneur wear the ugliest effing pants I’ve ever seen?
Brian: Do you live with your mother?
Chris: Are you sure you haven’t been on vacation for the past three episodes?
The tests did reveal a couple things though. First, telling the truth makes Dylan feel sick — he left the date halfway through because of a tummy ache (weird). And secondly, Chris finally revealed that he is Andi’s secret admirer. Whoopie! It was good enough to earn him the group date rose though (sorry, JJ!), so good for him.
‘Bachelorette’: It’s Hard Out There For A Personal Trainer
The “pet dog,” Cody, then finally got his one-on-one. It was in Verona, the birthplace of Romeo & Juliet, which was unfortunate for Cody, because I don’t think he knows what Romeo & Juliet is. But he sucked it up and wrote love advice to all the people who send notes to Juliet in Verona anyways.
Unfortunately things only went downhill from there. After Cody read a personal love letter to Andi at dinner (WHY DOES EVERY GUY ON THIS SHOW DO THIS!?!?), Cody talked and talked and talked while Andi sat there kinda-sorta crying. That was editing, right? Tell me he didn’t actually talk for like five minutes straight like a psycho while she welled up with tears.
Bottom line: Cody was caught in the friend zone, and this is not a BFF competition. The personal trainer was sent home, before he could even eat a little pasta I think. Ouch. You gotta give credit to Andi for making decisive decisions though — she really never hesitates to pull the cord.
Two Simple Rules For Dating ‘The Bachelorette’
And she moves on quick! Sending Cody home one day, macking HARD with Nick V. (and seemingly every other guy) at the cocktail mixer in a side-booberific dress the next day.
I’ve figured out how to make Andi love you. Step One: Write love notes and read them to her out loud. Step Two: Make out with her forcibly. That’s it.
So I can’t say I’m surprised that JJ, one of the only guys who didn’t write Andi a love letter, was the one to get sent home at the rose ceremony. JJ, turns out you’re better at making pants than winning Andi’s heart — and that’s saying a lot.
Only six guys remain, even though I really only think four guys (Nick, Josh M., Marcus, and Chris) are really still in the competition. We’ll see if Andi says goodbye to Brian and Dylan next week.
— Andrew Gruttadaro