American Comedy Awards 2014: Highlights & Funniest Lines

Courtesy of NBC

The first-ever edition of the American Comedy Awards on NBC on May 8 were as entertaining and hilarious as you’d expect, presented as it was by the absolute best of the best in comic entertainment. Read on for the highlights and the funniest lines!

The American Comedy Awards on May 8 was easily one of the most entertaining awards shows of the year! Comedy is not given nearly enough credit or attention in mainstream media, and NBC sought to rectify that — and totally succeeded. From huge stars like Seth Rogen to up-and-comers like Billy Eichner and Andy Daly, there was something for every comedy fan to enjoy! Read on for the funniest lines and highlights.

American Comedy Awards 2014 — Funniest Lines & Highlights From Billy Eichner, Amy Poehler & More

Billy On The Street and Parks & Recreation star Billy Eichner accepted Will Ferrell‘s award for Best Comedy Actor for Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, since Will couldn’t accept his award in person. Billy then gave Will the what for, as he is wont to do, in a hilarious rant. “Did [Will] pre-tape a thank you? He didn’t pre-tape a thank you. That really p***** me off. I mean, Seth Rogen’s sitting right here!” (Seth was also nominated for Best Comedy Actor for his work in This Is The End.) Billy continued:

“Whatever! Yeah Anchorman 2, yeah, there was a stretch. Whatever. It’s just so ungrateful. I mean, what a burden it is to win an award. Oh, he’s stuck in New Orleans. If only there was some way to get a huge movie star from New Orleans to New York! At least we didn’t give t to Bruce Dern [for his role in Nebraska]! Thank god we didn’t give it to him! I mean, what’s he ever done? Don’t feel guilty if you voted for Will over Bruce Dern — I’m sure that Bruce has so many more opportunities to win! The man is 9,000 years old! God damn it!”

American Comedy Awards Winners List: Bill Hader, Amy Poehler & More

Hannibal Buress, nominated for Best Concert Comic, while presenting the award for Best Alternative Comedy Series:

“I’m here to present the award for alternative comedy series. People always ask me, ‘What does that mean?’ (People don’t ask me that. Nobody in my life has ever asked me what an alternative series means.) Let me tell you: an alternative show is one where a cable network has chosen the alternative of paying you less.”

American Comedy Awards Red Carpet: Seth Rogen & More

Andy Daly, star of Comedy Central’s Review (you know, the one where he eats a million pancakes):

“Heres a little secret about late night television: if it was any good, they’d put it on earlier when people with jobs could watch it. As it is now, it’s merely the background noise to awkward attempts at lovemaking — something to drown out the tears and apologies.

“The nominees for Late Night Talk Show Hosted By A White Male Are… oh, I’m sorry, I misread that — it’s Best Late Night Talk Show [Host], period. Oh, that’s the same list? Oh, very well.”

Adam Pally, star of The Mindy Project, and, previously, Happy Endings (R.I.P.):

“I’m currently the 7th most sought-after Jew named Adam at this present moment in Hollywood, and I’m wearing a tuxedo that’s incredibly tight and straight-up ill-fitting.”

American Comedy Awards 2014 — Bill Cosby: ‘You Are The Only Person Who Can Represent Who You Are’

Leslie Mann, star of The Other Woman, presenting the award for Best Comedy Film:

“It’s extra-special for me tonight because my husband, Judd Apatow-Mann, is one of the nominees for Anchorman 2. And I told him before the show that if he doesn’t bring home the gold that I’m not gonna do it with him for a year. So, let’s see how this works out for me!”

(Luckily for Leslie, Judd lost to Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg for This Is The End. Sorry, Judd.)

Amy Poehler accepted the award for Best Comedy Television Series on behalf of Parks & Recreation and invited basically all of the comedians and comic actors in her immediate vicinity into joining her on stage — including Patrick Stewart.

She was the magnanimous, benevolent queen of the awards — and of our hearts. As she thanked the voters for her award, she also thanked all the people around her, without whom she insisted she could never be standing there.

Amy Poehler: the literal best (we’ll fight you if you disagree).

Chris Rock, presenting the Johnny Carson Lifetime Achievement Award to Bill Cosby:

“Bill Cosby made me want to be on TV. His comedy made being married and having kids seem like a lot of fun — it seemed like the most fun in the world. And it’s not! That’s how funny Bill Cosby is.”

And finally, just to end it on a sincere, positive note, here’s the best line from Bill Cosby’s inspiring speech:

“You have to show up. You cannot allow yourself to talk yourself into being so scared of who you are, because you are the only person who can represent who you are.”

Oh, and we can’t let you go without having you watch Patrick Stewart present the award for Best Viral Video (featuring Taylor Swift‘s duet with a goat):