The craziest thing that happened over the past few episodes was Kim Richards missing a cooking class in Paris. Are the women of Beverly Hills losing their steam? I think we deserve ourselves a classic, feud-filled episode. Let’s see if we get one.
Adrienne Maloof’s ‘Zing’ Party
The party revs up for Zing, a hip vodka that isn’t at all out of touch with reality. The party is just as ridiculous as the liquor — naked models climb in trees, and speaking of trees, there are large people-ish trees walking around. Moving on!
Marisa Zanuck tells the girls that Brandi Glanville sent her a text — out of the blue — saying that she thought a “hall pass,” a one-time cheating freebie, could fix Marisa’s marriage. Marisa reports that she was all like, “No, WTF, LOL, JK?”
“I don’t talk about my marriage,” Marisa says, possibly the most untrue statement ever made on this show. The sort of funny text devolves into an all-out Brandi diss-fest, led by Adrienne and archenemy Faye Resnick. My love for Yolanda Foster is reconfirmed when she refuses to join in on the bashing, and no matter how hard Adrienne pushes, she’s just like, “Eh, no, I’m good.” Let me stress this, that woman is a BOSS.
Adrienne Maloof & Paul Nassif: Trouble In 90210?
The tension is palpable, as Paul stuffs his face with cheese and Adrienne yells at him about plates. Same old stuff, Paul assures, and we wonder: How have these two ever been on the same team?
Paul displays a good sense of humor for the very first time by donning body paint and climbing a tree, and Adrienne gets mad about it! She turns it into him desperately needing attention. We have the foresight to know where this is headed, but still, Bravo sort of introduced this discord pretty suddenly. And speaking of suddenly, when we return from commercial break, Adrienne and Paul have announced their divorce… via the internet!
When one marriage ends, another renews its vows. So of course Ken and Lisa Vanderpump are throwing a romantic housewarming party, setting the stage for the perfect place for all these women to gossip about Adrienne and Paul. Brandi’s the first one to say the words “publicity stunt.” Apparently Paul has already moved out, I hear. Watching Kim Richards and Taylor Armstrong talk about the divorce is like seeing toddlers talk about the theory of relativity. “That’s what teams do. Right? I don’t have a husband,” Kim says in her interview.
Brandi Glanville On A War Path
Brandi’s “free pass,” as Lisa puts it, blossoms into a vendetta to blow Marisa’s previous comments about her out of proportion. Leave it to Yolanda to bring Brandi and Marisa face-to-face to work their issues out like real, er, women. Oh-my-god-Yolanda-is-amazing. Marisa is trying to beat around the bush and dance her way out of this confrontation and Yo Yo is NOT letting it happen. Marisa squirms, knowing she is overmatched.
The other ladies hear the girl-fight going on and perk up as if their vultures or something. Things get better, or worse depending on who you are, when Faye butts in. She says she wants to join in the conversation, or as Brandi more eloquently puts it, “Faye walks up to a situation that has nothing to do with her, and puts her d**k on the table.” Faye says absolutely nothing of value and tries to put Adrienne’s divorce on Brandi. At that point even Marisa is like, okay, let’s take a step back, you’re crazy.
The episode has to end before the party does! We’re just getting started! Finale next week!
Adrienne skipped out on Lisa’s housewarming party, but that’s not the only thing she ditched. She skipped the reunion taping, and Andy Cohen was NOT happy about it — see what I mean, watch the video below.
— Andrew Gruttadaro
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