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John Boehner’s Shockingly Orange Complexion: What Gives?

Mon, January 21, 2013 3:55pm EDT by 8 Comments
John Boehner Orange
Courtesy of NBC

The Speaker of the House took the stand to give a speech at President Obama’s post-Inaugural luncheon. While public speaking has been known to turn faint presenters green, Boehner’s distinctly orange flush was the most captivating aspect of his delivery.

Blustery winter weather is in full effect throughout the Northern Hemisphere, but U.S. Representative John Boehner appears to be immune to the torture of brisk, subzero temps. What shall we credit with Boehner’s fluorescent complexion? Self-tanner gone wrong? A tanning bed addiction? Vacations to remote islands of Oompa Loompas? What gives!?

As a Jersey girl, born and raised, who’s pale 365 days a year, I certainly know my bronzing rituals 1) pop Vitamin D supplements indoors or 2) slather on SPF 90 while hiding behind Nicole Richie-esque sunglasses. Seriously, Snooki would be so disappointed in me. In order to look like I’ve been outdoors, oh, once or twice, in my entire life, I’ve perfected a master ritual of strategic bronzing, gradual self-tanning, and Sun In hair lightening that I maintain throughout the seasons. Let’s just say that I can truly appreciate someone whose skincare presentation is more successful than mine.

When I see an obviously faux tan, my reaction is inevitably torn between “oh, gross!” (judgmental) and “hey, how can I get that healthy glow?” (jealous) depending on the convincing-ness of the glow. I mean, I’m not even a bronze goddess in the August heat, so I should be loving John Boehner’s ability to rock a tan in the January fog. Still, the Crayola orange edition of his tan is more distracting than it is reminiscent of island vacations past. As soon as he took the stage, I had to look down at my own pasty arms in shock to compare his sunset orange skin to mine.

Sure, it’s ridiculous to be focusing on a 63-year-old man’s tanning preferences, when there are actual political issues being discussed, and history being made at Obama’s Inauguration. But ridiculous just happens to be my style.

Plus, there are very real health concerns at stake here! For John’s sake, I really hope that his tanning ritual is of the lotion or bronzer variety, rather than of a horribly damaging tanning bed addiction. Hitting the tanning beds is terrible enough, but the amount of trips necessary to create that kind of orange faux glow would be absolutely alarming. A mismatched bronzer shade, the beauty department can fix. Temporary tanning faux pas can easily fade away and be fixed. But I sincerely hope that he’s taking his skin health seriously!

HollywoodLifers, how do YOU think John Boehner got his glow?

— Kristine Hope Kowalski

More Orange-Skinned Celebrities:

  1. Pippa Middelton’s Orange Skin: Is She Tan-orexic?
  2. Saturday Night Live’s Kristen Wiig Mocks ‘Tanorexic’ Mom Patricia Krentcil
  3. Snooki Calls Too Tan Mom ‘Crazy’ For Taking Daughter Tanning