'Glee' Recap: Rachel & Kurt's Dreams Are (Almost) Crushed & Quinn Is A 'Skank!'

It's the same old, same old at McKinley high, except for Quinn's pink hair. Glee is back! But nothing has changed, really. Sue is on one of her crusades to destroy the glee club, Rachel and Kurt want to be stars, Will and Emma are weird and Finn is boring. At least Quinn did something differently!

Let’s break this down, shall we?

The Characters!

Will and Emma: Mr. Schue woke up raring to go, but Emma hasn’t brushed her teeth yet. Buzz (or something else) kill. But Will’s crusade against Sue — which includes glitter-bombing the cheerleading coach — turns Emma on, so our favorite Spanish teacher may get lucky yet. (Oh yes, Will has to tell one student named Sugar that she can’t be in New Directions because she’s terrible. And he agonizes over it as only Schuester can.)

Sue: Surprise! She hates the Glee club! She’s running for congress on an anti-arts platform that would eliminate the arts in schools.

Finn: He really doesn’t do anything this episode. Is Ryan Murphy really upset with Cory Monteith?

Mike, Tina & Artie: I think their only purpose was to let us know that while Mike is a senior, Tina and Artie are juniors.

Rachel and Kurt: They both want to apply to a performing arts school in New York City that rhymes with Julliard. Crestfallen when Emma told them that Julliard doesn’t have a musical theater program, they decide to apply to a school that I’ve never heard of and may or may not exist, but I’m too lazy to Google. Conveniently, it has a mixer close by. The pair attended, realized that there are other talented people out there, and have to pep talk each other into not giving up.

Blaine: After deciding to transfer to McKinley, he made a grand appearance at his new school. But will he really like being without his beloved Warblers?

Santana: Sue appointed her head cheerleader and made her set one of the Glee club’s purple pianos on fire. (I’m not even sure why there are purple pianos.) Subsequently, Will kicked her out of New Directions. She was not pleased.

Brittany: The best parts of her characters are her one-liners, of course. Sadly, she really only had one standout in the premiere; “I have pepperoni in my bra,” she said, after a food fight. “Those are your nipples,” Santana explained.

Quinn: She dyed her hair pink, started smoking, got an ironic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest and developed a beatnik accent. She joined a group of girls known as the “skanks” who all hang out under the bleachers, for obvious reasons.

Mercedes: She and Sam broke up after his dad got a job out of state. And with that line, she explained Chord Overstreet‘s semi-firing. But that’s the most she does. Like Finn, she spent most of her time in the background.

Puck & Lauren: She quit the glee club because of their embarrassing turn at nationals and dumped Puck. This relationship was the most unrealistic anyway and will not be missed — by me.

The Musical Numbers!

“We Got The Beat”: The first song of the season happened in the lunchroom, around a purple piano, in an attempt to recruit new Glee club members. This (mostly) did not work, and ended with the students pelting the New Directions with food. Featuring the vocal stylings of Lea Michele, Naya Rivera and Heather Morris on solos, the song itself is sure to be better received by its real audience on iTunes.

“Ding-Dong The Witch Is Dead”: I had to actually use the Internet to figure out what this was — and it’s sad that I didn’t recognize the beloved Munchkin tune. To be fair, I never realized the song had so many lyrics! But duets between Lea and a Chris Colfer are always fun, even if she’s clearly the stronger singer.

“It’s Not Unusual”: I love Darren Criss. I love his red pants, black polo and little bowtie in this scene. I love him singing this song. I will definitely put this on my iPod next to the Warblers’ version of “Teenage Dream,” “Raise Your Glass” and “Hey, Soul Sister.”

“Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do” Mash-Up: Wow. The runner-up of The Glee Project, Lindsey Pearce, really rocked this one. And gave Lea’s Rachel and Chris’ Kurt quite a wake-up call about their talent compared to others.

“You Can’t Stop The Beat”: Lea began the Hairspray number slowly, but it evolved into the rousing musical-ender we’re used to and a typical “where did all those costumes come from?” scene we expect from Glee.

What did you think, HollywoodLifers? Did you like the premiere?

— Denise Warner

More ‘Glee’ News!

  1. ‘Glee’ Season 3 Scoop: Harry Shum Jr. Spills On Graduation Drama & The ‘Awesome’ New Cast!
  2. The 2011 Emmys Opening Number Was So Hilarious — We Loved Jane Lynch & The ‘Glee’ Crossover!
  3. Lea Michele: Season 3 Of ‘Glee’ Will Be ‘Incredible!’

More From Our Partners