Nicole Kidman’s New Baby Bliss Dampened By Pain Of Losing Her Two Oldest Kids

She just welcomed a new baby, Faith, via surrogate, but that won’t heal Nicole Kidman’s ongoing heartache over losing her adopted children, Isabella and Connor to her ex, Tom Cruise. They call Katie Holmes “Mom!”

As Nicole Kidman, 43, lives the dream of motherhood in her gorgeous mansion in Nashville with her husband Keith Urban, 43, and two young daughters, Sunday Rose, 2, and Faith Margaret, 1 month, she still lives every day with the pain of her past. Yes, Nicole is overjoyed with her new life, wonderful husband and beautiful baby girls, but she’s clearly devastated over her estranged relationship with her adopted children with ex-husband Tom Cruise, 48—Isabella, 18, and Connor, 16.

Nicole, why did you use a surrogate?

“It took me so long to get pregnant and have a baby, so I feel enormous gratitude,” Nicole says. “Sunday has healed an enormous amount in me. It’s a very private thing, but she just has.” When she was just 23-years-old, Nicole began what seemed to be an ideal life with Tom, until she realized that her dream of becoming a mom would be a long and hard battle. After struggling with infertility for years, Nicole and Tom decided to adopt two children: Isabella, in 1992, and Connor, in 1995—two children who no longer refer to her as “Mom.” After Nicole and Tom divorced in February 2001, when Bella was eight and Connor was six, they decided to share custody of their children. What made matters worse was that Nicole suffered a miscarriage weeks after they separated. Her heartbreak turned into utter misery.

Find out why Nicole and Keith picked the name Margaret

Bella and Connor lived with Nicole in New York for a long time, until 2004 when her career was at it’s peak. Then, the kids moved in with Tom in Los Angeles and that’s when everything changed. After Nicole wrapped up her film projects, she expected Bella and Connor to come home for the summer. Instead, they attended Scientology camp and began living in Tom’s $30 million mansion permanently. Then, they met his young girlfriend, and soon-to-be wife, Katie Holmes in 2005. They were invited to witness the birth of their stepsister, Suri, now 4, and after that they started calling Katie, 32, their “Mom.”

Suri Cruise is one spoiled little tot!

A source tells the DailyMail, “Nicole talks to the kids all the time, but doesn’t see a lot of them. She and Keith spend a lot of time in Nashville and Australia, and the kids don’t want to be away from their lives and LA home. Nicole understands — she lets it go.” Now Nicole has Sunday and Faith, who was born via a gestational carrier, to care for, but still remains hopeful that she will rekindle her relationship with Isabella and Connor. “I’d love them to live with us,” Nicole says of her older children, “but what can you do?”