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'Bridalplasty' Recap: The Ladies Get A Visit From Their Mothers-In-Law — Let's Pray They Tell Their Sons To Run!

Sun, January 9, 2011 10:09pm EDT by 3 Comments

The ladies take a trip outdoors to frighten the locals with their still healing surgeries in this week’s exciting chapter!

After an entire season (well half a season, but let’s be honest it feels like this show has been on for years at this point), Bridalplasty FINALLY answered the question on every viewer’s mind this week  — what kind of woman allows their son to marry one of these trainwrecks? Oh, and by every viewer I mean me as I really hope no one else is still watching this soul questioning mess.

First things first — Janessa looks like Hannibal Lecter with her nose job gauze mask. It kind of goes well with her whole most horrible person in a house of horrors attitude however, so it works. Oh, and her mother-in-law didn’t show up as she was “too old to travel.” That basically means her mother-in-law can’t stand her either, so go her.

All the other mothers-in-law showed up, and all looked eerily like their son’s future brides. It was equal measures of creepy and gross.

The challenge this week was awesome as the team dynamic basically meant one mother-in-law was ultimately going to allow her daughter-in-law to be physically altered. “Thanks for running fast and getting me a new rack future mom!” What happened to the days of simple brunches and cocktail parties?

The girls hit up the boardwalk, god knows whose idea it was to let these women loose in public, and were sent to take photos doing things like touching Palm Trees and standing in trash cans — something these lasses have certainly all done before. At one point, after posing with a human pyramid and burying her mother-in-law in the sand, Allyson said this is the kind of thing she and her mother-in-law do every weekend. Really? That is hopefully a huge exaggeration.

Dominique won which made sense as her mother-in-law actually looked like a real life human being, making me wonder how they ever conned this woman into showing up. I am assuming they maybe found a close friend or family member and held them hostage until she completed her day of E! filming. I am pretty sure I caught her desperately searching for an exit at all times.

Lisa Marie was the worst as usual. She is so grating and annoying, mopping around all the time and blubbering. They should have removed her tear ducts had she ever won a challenge. I mean, I have never seen anyone before who is so bad at everything they do. Ever.

So, following her umpteenth loss, Lisa Marie went to plead with Janessa in some gross version of The Godfather where Janessa lays in her hospital bed covered in gauze dolling out advice. WHERE ON EARTH DID THEY FIND THESE PEOPLE?! They even played a version of generic Italian music during the exchanges — Marlon Brando would be so honored! Janessa told Lisa she’d take care of her and all would be well, then went back to doing whatever it is she does with her spare time — likely writing hate mail to orphans or something of that sort.

Dominique got veneers to go with her new nose following her win, meaning plastic surgeon Dr. Terry Dubrow got a day off from operating on one of the ladies in his strip mall establishment. Her new teeth look good and for an entire second I felt like she was someone I could maybe actually like. Then I remembered she was on this show.

The elimination took roughly 20 minutes and included about 10 commercial breaks — Thanks E! — so the tension was at a fever pitch to see if it was Kristen or sad sack Lisa who would be peacing out of the auto body repair shop.

In the end, it was waterworks who got the boot, but not before Janessa tried to start a lame fight and then made some odd toad like noise and stuck out her tongue. Seriously, someone wants to spend their life with this?

Next week looks like even more fun as the remaining five have their fiances come visit. These men must be DELIGHTS.

-Chris Spargo