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Snooki Publishes A Romance Novel & It’s Totally Ridiculous! Read Our Favorite Excerpts!

Tue, January 4, 2011 3:48pm EDT by William Earl Add first Comment

The literary world has been rocked by a new masterpiece — will YOU be reading it?

Ever since Jersey Shore debuted in 2009, the world has been waiting with baited breath for one of the cast members to publish their own novel. Finally these prayers have been answered.

A Shore Thing, written by 23-year-old Snooki with copious help from ghostwriter Valerie Frankel, hits shelves today. We ran out and got a copy of it early, so you could judge for yourself if you need to buy this 289-page tome immediately or if you can somehow hold off for paperback.

Here are a few of our favorite passages:

  1. On GTL philosophy: “She said, ‘I wish I had a fabric softener for my life.'” (p. 48)
  2. On theology: “Entering the salon was like passing through a portal to heaven.” (p. 20)
  3. On forgiveness: “Bella exhaled deeply and said, ‘I’m sorry I called you a c**k-blocking, helpless disaster magnet.'” (p. 227)
  4. On sex: “Frankie started to kiss along her collarbone, and down between her boobs. When he took her nipple into his mouth, she gasped, ‘Okay, conversation over.'” (p. 268)
  5. On seduction: “‘She talked. She showed me her t**s. She flashed her crotch at me when she danced on the bar. I’d be playing Evil Gynecologist with her right now if it weren’t for that c**k-blocking friend of hers.'” (p. 151)
  6. On nutrition: “‘I have never eaten so much in my life,’ she said, her hand resting on her extended stomach. ‘I wonder if my food baby is a boy or a girl.'” (p. 119)

— William Earl