Angelina Jolie Wants to Ban Thanksgiving from Her Home Because It's 'Murder'! You Surprised?

What does Thanksgiving mean to the Jolie-Pitt family? Just another Thursday in November, the pilgrims’ pogrom, and unforgivable genocide, apparently.

As we all know, there is definitely mass killing native to every Thanksgiving holiday — 45 million innocent turkeys are brutally oven-roasted and viciously dismembered, and their remains callously eaten, every year. But there’s another kind of murder that is driving Angelina Jolie to ban the holiday from her household.

PopEater’s Rob Shuter claims that because of what “the white settler did to the native Indians,” she “hates” Thanksgiving and won’t be observing with the traditional starch-engorgement/trytophanic overdose/interfamilial resentments.

“She definitely doesn’t want to teach her multi-cultural family how to celebrate a story of murder,” says a source.  Perhaps Ms. Jolie-Pitt forgets that the first Thanksgiving, at least by popular consent, was a celebration between the Wampanoag Native American tribe and the pilgrims — for saving the Wampanoags from starving.

Dad Brad Pitt has other plans; he tells EXTRA he’s going to “whip up a turkey” wherever the family happens to be. Let the strife begin!