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'Skating With The Stars' Recap — No Real Stars, Not Much Skating!

Mon, November 22, 2010 11:19pm EDT by 16 Comments

At a time when every star of diminishing fame would do anything for attention, it should really say a lot that ‘Skating With the Stars’ could only find six contestants, and one would be hard pressed to find anyone who could identify even half of them.

Jonny Moseley is a very impressive skater, and skier too being a gold medal Olympian. It is wonderful to see Laurieann Gibson, she of Making the Band fame, back on television. Johnny Weir did a great job skating to “Poker Face” for the hundredth time in front of a national audience. These are almost certainly the only three positive things one could say about the never ending premiere of Skating With the Stars.

Skating is incredibly hard, it makes the Dancing With the Stars contestants look like wimps, so Sean Young, Vince Neil, Brandon Mychal SmithBethenny FrankelRebecca Budig, and Jonny should most certainly be applauded. That being said, are they gaining anything from this?

Let’s break down tonight’s episode.

The Skating performance rink is eerily similar to the plastic kiddie pool I swam in as a child in the city, only frozen over, and the scoring makes little to no sense at all. Brandon, the first to skate, seemed to do a pretty decent job, yet ultimately earned the same score as most of his clunky cast mates.

The big draw was clearly Bethenny (really America), and so she was entrusted with the final skating spot. Making this harder was the fact that, at almost two hours, this show dragged on and on. And on and on and on.

While Bethenny may have surely won first place in a Gilda Radner look-alike competition with her, um, look, skating is clearly not this mogul’s thing. Also, was Kate Gosselin cheering her on in the stands?

Jonny was clearly the best of the group and there seems to be a clear disadvantage in the skills male skaters are forced to have as opposed to the females. I am fairly certain most of the male pros simply carried their female “celebs” throughout their routines.

Then there was Vince on skates and Sean acting as delightfully crazy as ever, but is there really any reason to continue supporting these shows? If we keep it up, Biathloning With the Stars is surely next. And no one wants to see Ramona Singer cross-country skiing with a gun.

-Chris Spargo