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Happy 17th Birthday Taylor Momsen — You’re Officially The Queen B Of The Brat Pack!

Mon, July 26, 2010 8:00pm EDT by 9 Comments

How’s this for the ultimate birthday present? We’re giving you a crown, Ms. Momsen – and oh, how you’ve earned it!

Miley Cyrus may have paved the way for spoiled behavior, but since today, July 26,  IS Taylor Momsen’s 17th birthday and all, we thought we’d gift her with the Queen Brat title instead.

But why does Taylor deserve the honor of being called the Queen B of the modern day Brat Pack? Let count the ways…

#1 You wear hooker heels and your underwear in public – and then call it high fashion! We call it showing off the goods – and like our mama always said, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

#2 You’re making the music community hate you – and you don’t care! You recently said your band, the Pretty Reckless, was “the only real rock band” on the Warped Tour. So what does that make 3OH3!, the All-American Rejects and Everclear – chopped liver?

#3 Role Model? HAH! Have you forgotten that you’re on one of the most influential teen shows (Gossip Girl) in the country? Young girls look up to you – but you don’t care! Instead, you tell your young fans you’ll give them T-shirts if they show you their t**s!

#4 You think wearing raccoon-like eye makeup makes you look good. Honey, it doesn’t. You look like you need a shower…or seventeen.

#5 Your vibrator is your best friend? That’s just sad. We advise you to get a new BFF – one that actually speaks to you and doesn’t just buzz when it’s happy. Just saying.

#6 You NEVER hang out with your Gossip Girl cast members. Why be a diva? Can’t you all just get along? We swear, Blake, Penn and the gang are all FUN!

#7 You’re rewarded for your bad behavior, as only the biggest brats are. Yep, that means that despite all the rude things you say and do, you still scored two plum gigs: the face of Madonna’s new teen fashion line, Material Girl, AND being the face of John Galliano’s new perfume.

#8 You dissed Miley. Which is why you’ve taken her title as Queen B(RAT). Congratulations.

Laura Schreffler