Hollywood’s best and brightest assembled to compete on Dancing with the Stars: All Stars this season, but after only one night of foxtrots and cha-cha-chas, the first celebrity couple was sent packing on the Sept. 25 results show. So which duo was the first to kiss its Mirror Ball Trophy dreams behind? Drum roll please…

Pamela Anderson!

That’s right, the star of Baywatch, V.I.P., Stacked, Stripperella and (briefly) Home Improvement had the lowest overall score, so she and partner Tristan MacManus were forced to bid farewell to the competition.

“I was ready for it, for sure,” Pam admitted. “We got the lowest score. But it doesn’t end here. We’ll keep dancing.”

And although they weren’t voted off this week, there were several other celebs in the danger zone: Bristol Palin, Drew Lachey were all up for elimination, alongside the late-great Pam.

(On a personal note, I was really gunning for Pam. I ask that you respect my privacy during this difficult time.)

— Andy Swift

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More Dancing with the Stars:

1. Pamela Anderson In Tears After Being Unfairly Bullied By ‘DWTS’ Judges
2. Bristol Palin’s Hot New Look On ‘DWTS’ — Her Weight Loss Secrets
3. ‘Dancing With The Stars’ Recap: Sabrina Dances To One Direction

Once upon a time — Sept. 24, 2012, to be exact — there was a beautiful princess named Pamela Anderson. She danced the cha cha with passion and elegance, but her three wicked step-judges — Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli and Len Berman — reduced poor Princess Pam to tears, calling her names like “shaky” and “uncomfortable.” The saddest part about this fable, of course, is that it’s not a fable at all; It really happened on the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars: All Stars, and it was a tragedy.

Seriously, what crawled up these judges’ butts and died? Not only did Pam have the technique down, but as even Carrie Ann noted, she was “living the drama” in her performance. The fact that Pam received a score of 17, while Bristol Palin — who has all the sex appeal of a dead person — received a 19.5, is inexcusable. I don’t mean to cry “conspiracy,” but you know … CONSPIRACY! (Pam even pointed out that Bristol has “the whole Tea Party” voting for her, and I totally co-sign that theory.)

I get that this is the “all-star” season, and the celebs are being held to higher standards, but it was also the first night! Personally, I don’t even think anyone should be eliminated in week one. The stars should be allowed to get their feet wet in front of a live audience before having their dreams crushed for all the world to see.

Watch the judges slam Pam below, then vote: Did she really deserve such a low score?

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— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

More Dancing with the Stars:

1. ‘Dancing With The Stars’ Recap: Sabrina Dances To One Direction
2. Sabrina Bryan Unveils Online ‘DWTS’ Fan Viewing Party
3. Maksim Chmerkovskiy Quits ‘DWTS’ After 15 Seasons

With so many other talent competition shows going on right now, the last thing I wanted to do was commit to another season of Dancing with the Stars, but I’m taking that back now after seeing the premiere March 19. Even though I hardly knew who the heck the “stars” were in season 14, there wasn’t a bad seed in the bunch. Not one person scored less than 20, which is unheard of! If you don’t know who they are already, get prepped to hear a bunch about opera singer Katherine Jenkins, Disney Channel star Roshon Fegan, former child star Jaleel White and football pro Donald Driver.

Maria Menounos & Derek Hough: Maria and Derek started the show off really strongly with a pretty darn good cha-cha-cha for week one. It doesn’t hurt that Maria has a flawless feature, in addition to her gorgeous face…plus, the strongest dance pro on the show. As long as America likes her, I think she’s going to go far. 7, 7, 7 = 21

Jack Wagner & Anna Trebunskaya: Jack’s foxtrot to Nancy Sinatra‘s “Sugar Town” was cute, but not really my style. I also thought his arms were really stiff. Len Goodman agreed with me about the technique, but the other two judges couldn’t stop smiling. “You just took me too a happy place,” Carrie Ann Inaba raved. 8, 7, 8 = 23

Donald Driver & Peta Murgatroyd: I LOVED the energy of Donald and Peta’s cha-cha-cha. Even though I had no idea who Donald was until tonight (he’s the Green Bay Packers’ wide receiver), I’m rooting for him to do well. These athletes sure know how to move! Also, I’d forgotten Peta, who was on DWTS last season, but got eliminated in the first round with Ron Artest. I can’t wait to see how they do this season, even if the judges didn’t appreciate this performance like I did. “There was flair going on. You got too excited a few times,” Len critiqued. How Donald and Peta didn’t get higher than Jack is beyond me! 7, 7, 7 = 21

Gavin DeGraw & Karina Smirnoff: Gavin has this boyish charm to him when he dances, I couldn’t help but smile. Plus, Karina is always such a pro out there — she really knows what she’s doing. Even though the dance was a little messy, I still enjoyed their foxtrot to Lady Antebellum’s “I Run to You.” “Great charm and gentle quality to your dance. You have to learn to link the moves,” Bruno Tonioli said. 7, 6, 7 = 20

Roshon Fegan & Chelsie Hightower: First of all, this is probably my favorite pair of the competition, seeing as I know them better than anyone else on the show — and boy, did they do me proud! Roshon blew everyone out of the water with his sick moon walking, spins and body rolls. Of course, Mr. Technical (Len) wasn’t a fan of the dance as a cha-cha-cha, but no one could deny this dance had the crowd excited. I think he should have gotten a higher score than he did. 8, 7, 8 = 23

Sherri Shepherd & Val Chmerkovskiy: Sherri lit up the stage with her foxtrot and I thought it was super enjoyable. I also loved the song choice — “Sherry” by The Four Seasons. It was cute. However, it didn’t deserve as high of scores as it got. 8, 7, 8 = 23

Melissa Gilbert & Maksum Chmerkovskiy: I don’t know if it was the choreography, the music choice or the dancers, but this cha-cha-cha just didn’t do it for me…at all. It felt stiff and awkward the whole time. The judges were sweet to Melissa, with Carrie Ann saying she saw “great potential,” but I didn’t get that memo. 7, 6, 7 = 20

William Levy & Cheryl Burke: I’d never heard of William Levy until this season, but give me more! The telenovela star is gorgeous and knows how to move on the dance floor. His cha-cha-cha to Chris Brown‘s “International Love” was really well done, which was reflected in his high scores. 8, 8, 8 = 24

Martina Navratilova & Tony Dovolani: Martina and Tony’s foxtrot seemed like a typical first week dance — a little stiff and under prepared. Fortunately, the tennis pro has a great charm about her on stage. “It was close but not quite there for me,” Len said. “It was too careful.” I think the judges scored her too highly. 7, 6, 7 = 20

Katherine Jenkins & Mark Ballas: HOLY COW! You cannot tell me this chick hasn’t ever danced before. She looked just as graceful as a dance pro doing the foxtrot with Mark. Seriously, her lines were PERFECT, her smile was gorgeous and she couldn’t have had a better performance. “Best first dance on the show ever,” Carrie Ann raved. If she keeps it up, Katherine is going to be hard to beat! 9, 8, 9 = 26

Gladys Knight & Tristan MacManus: Gladys was everything you’d hope she’d be on the dance floor and more: sassy, smiley and in rhythm. I loved her performance and can’t wait to see her get better with each week. “It’s not forced, it oozed rhythm and you did a wonderful job,” Len said. 8, 7, 8 = 23

Jaleel White & Kym Johnson: Who knew Steve Urkel could dance?! Turns out the nerd has some pretty smooth moves. I couldn’t believe how sharp his foxtrot was to Frank Sinatra‘s “The Way You Look Tonight.” Well played, sir! “This was the best first show of any season,” Len admitted. Surprisingly, I’d have to agree. 9, 8, 9 = 26

Bottom Line: Jack and Melissa had my least favorite performances of the night. Who’s did YOU like best? And most importantly, who do you think is getting the boot first? Sound off below!

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I hope Nancy Grace savored every minute of her paso doble on the Oct. 10 episode of Dancing with the Stars – because after tonight’s elimination round, she may never dance again! Nancy tied with Chaz Bono and Chynna Phillips for the second-lowest score last night, squeaking out a measly 21 out of 30 from the judges; and without an awkward bodily function to drum up buzz, I have a feeling America drop her like a bad habit. [Insert fart joke here.]

In past weeks, Nancy has managed to overshadow her low scores with outlandish gimmicks. First came the epic nip slip, which she quickly denied, claiming it was actually a flower petal from her costume. This was followed by the fart heard ’round the world, which she also denied, blaming it on her poor dance partner Tristan MacManus.

But the time for farts and nips is long gone. Unless Carson Kressley gets voted off tonight — though I sincerely hope he doesn’t, because he’s single-handedly keeping the satin suit jacket industry afloat — it’ll be curtains for Miz Grace.

Nancy Grace may be a former prosecutor, but when it comes to getting her fact straight, she really stinks. Nancy originally denied farting on the Oct. 3 episode of Dancing with the Stars, also “exonerating” partner Tristan MacManus and host Brooke Burke as potential fart culprits. But now she’s changing her story, totally pointing the finger — which I hope no one pulls — at Tristan!

“If you listen very carefully to that clip, it has an Irish accent,” she now tells TMZ.

Not only is it an unpardonable sin to blame your fart on someone else (seriously, it should have been included in the Ten Commandments) but to throw your dance partner under the bus (or the “fart bus,” as TMZ puts it) is simply inexcusable.

Also, does Nancy think we have the collective memory span of a goldfish? Less than two weeks ago, she had an epic nip slip on DWTS, then had the nerve to tell America it was a “flower petal.” (I know a nipple when I see one, Nancy. I have two of them. Thanks.) As far as I’m concerned, any future denials she makes should be immediately interpreted as admissions of guilt.

But because I like to play Devil’s Advocate — and I really want to keep writing about farting — I’ll give Nancy the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe she thinks these gassy shenanigans will keep people talking about her, and therefore keep people voting for her.

Well, Nancy, it worked. After a nip slip and a farty party, I anxiously await to see which bodily disaster you’ll unleash upon the American audience next. Assuming it’s worth the wait — I’ll accept nothing less than you dropping one on the dance floor — you’ve got my vote!

Watch Nancy blame Tristan for the fart below, then vote for who you REALLY think let one rip:

— Andy Swift

Everyone knows bad luck is associated with the number 13. Ever since the new cast of Dancing With The Stars was announced, more than a few people have been scratching their heads over the participating celebs and wondering if there will be more failed attempts at two-stepping and injuries than past seasons! However, all questionable contestants and bad luck rumors aside, Good Morning America had the honor of announcing the toe-tapping duos and we gotta say, we think it’s gonna be good!Without further adieu, here are the pairs for next season:

Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas

Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke

Chynna Phillips and Tony Dovolani

Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovskiy

JR Martinez and Karina Smirnoff

Ron Artest and Peta Murgatroyd

Ricki Lake and Derek Hough

David Arquette and Kym Johnson

Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer

Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya

So BFFs, what do you think? Are you excited for season 13? Who will you be voting for? Sound off in the comments below!