Madonna Badger, 48, awoke on Christmas Day 2011 to a nightmare — her Connecticut house was on fire, and her three daughters were trapped inside. Even though she and her boyfriend Michael Borcina were able to escape the blaze, her elderly parents and daughters, Lily, 9, and twin daughters Grace and Sarah, both 7, all perished in the house fire.

A year later, Madonna traveled to Doi Saket, Thailand to try and find peace with the situation and escape all of the Christmas buzz that reminds her of her deceased family — but found it was much more difficult than she was expecting.

“It’s so hard right now,” she told the New York Post on Dec. 22. “Last night was the hardest yet. I cried and cried. I couldn’t stop crying.”

Madonna Planned To Visit Orphanage On Christmas Day

Madonna visited Breanna’s House of Joy orphanage in Doi Saket, an all-girls orphanage, just days before Christmas. She met the girls, ages 6 to 20, and painted with them and listened to them play music.

She planned to visit an all-girls orphanage on Christmas Day, the anniversary of her daughters’ deaths, and donate the toys and gifts she was planning on giving to her daughters — but she never made it.

“She said that when she . . . saw the children, she was overwhelmed and cried the entire day,” Frank Corso, Madonna’s lawyer, told the Post about his chat with the grieving mom on Christmas Day.

Can’t Escape Christmas In Thailand

Even though Madonna was staying at a holistic resort, and hoped for a more “low key” holiday season than what she would find in Connecticut, she was sadly mistaken

“I came here because I wanted a Santa-free zone,” she said. “But that hasn’t worked out so hot.

We hope Madonna finds peace after the tragedy. Our thoughts are with her and her family during this difficult time.

What do YOU think of what Madonna said HollyMoms?

More Madonna Badger news:

1. Madonna Badger Saw Visions Of Dead Daughters After Chrismas Fire
2. Madonna Badger Not Attending Matthew’s Charity In Memory Of Daughters
3. Matthew Badger: I Wanted To Kill Ex-Wife After Daughters Died In Blaze

Madonna Badger experienced inexplicable tragedy on Christmas Day, 2011 when the large house she shared caught fire in the middle of the night — and killed her three young daughters, as well as her parents.

Now, almost a year later, Madonna revealed to Matt Lauer on Today how she dealt with such devastating loss.

“When I pray, I see my children. Lily came to me very early on and said, ‘Don’t worry, Mommy, I’m right there in your heart and I love you,’” she said.

She added that visions of her daughters happened often — and helped comfort her.

“Once when I was having a level 10, the worst sort of crisis, (where it) feels like blood is coming out of my eyes, Sarah came to me in the mirror and she said, ‘Mommy, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Everything is going to be OK,’” Madonna said.

The grieving mom told Matt she thought she was “delusional” and “going nuts” — until she read Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander.

Now, she believes her daughters are helping her cope and move forward. Watch the emotional interview below.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

What do YOU think of Madonna’s visions of her girls HollyMoms?

– Christina Stiehl

More Madonna Badger news:

1. Matthew Badger: I Wanted To Kill Ex-Wife After Daughters Died In Blaze
2. Matthew Badger Haunted By Three Daughters’ Deaths
3. Madonna Badger Not Attending Matthew’s Charity In Memory Of Daughters

Matthew Badger is still incredibly grief-stricken over the loss of his three daughters Lily, 9, and twin daughters Grace and Sarah, both 7, who all perished in a tragic house fire at his ex-wife Madonna Badger‘s house on Dec. 25, 2011.

The fire started hours after Madonna’s live-in boyfriend Michael Borcina cleaned out the ashes from their fireplace, and placed them in a paper bag in the mudroom — and Matthew still blames Michael for the death of their children, as well as her parents, Lomer Johnson, 71, and Pauline Johnson, 69.

Just before 5 a.m. on Christmas Day, Madonna’s house was engulfed in flames and smoke, and she couldn’t save her precious daughters.

Matthew told New York Magazine in a new interview that in the days after the tragic Christmas blaze, he wanted to kill his ex-wife and her boyfriend, as well as himself.

Even though he didn’t take the violent route, he still struggled with their deaths in the months after.  Matthew went on a spiritual retreat to India over the summer with his girlfriend Abby where he met the Dalai Lama, and then spread his girls’ ashes on a hill.

He also founded the LilySarahGrace Fund in honor of his girls — who all expressed their struggle with dyslexia through the arts — to support low-income schools with grant funding for the arts.

Such a tragic situation. Our thoughts are with Matthew and the Badger family.

What do YOU think of what Matthew said HollyMoms?

– Christina Stiehl

More Badger family news:

1. Matthew Badger Haunted By Three Daughters’ Deaths
2. Madonna Badger Not Attending Matthew’s Charity In Memory Of Daughters
3. Matthew Badger: Every Day Is A Constant Struggle & Reminder Of My Girls

In her first interview since the unspeakable tragedy, a tearful Madonna Badger recalls the day she lost nine-year-old Lily and seven-year-old twins Sarah and Grace, and her parents 71-year-old Lomer Johnson and 69-year-old Pauline Johnson.

Madonna sat down with TODAY and told Matt Lauer how she woke up choking from heavy smoke in her Stamford, Connecticut home and immediately tried to save her family.

“I had to decide ‘Do I go in and save [my parents] or save my children?” she said. “I ran the other way to save my children.”

She scrambled up the scaffolding to get to Grace’s window on the third floor and opened the window, but a cloud of black smoke hit her. “It was just the blackest — like an ocean. It was twirling, and there were embers, all kinds of stuff in it.”

She couldn’t see her girls because of the thick black smoke: “It’s impossible to describe how you can’t go in and save your own children, but I couldn’t get through that smoke.”

“I kept trying to hold my breath and put my head in, three or four times, I couldn’t get in. I couldn’t get in the window. And I’m just screaming for somebody to come help me.”

Help came, but firemen had to drag Madonna off the premises. Once in the hospital, Madonna remembers yelling, “‘Where are my parents? Where are my babies? Where are my babies?’” It took three hours before a doctor gave her the tragic news, her children and parents were dead of smoke inhalation.

Distraught, she called her close friends and her ex-husband and girls’ father Matthew Badger. “I said bring everyone. The children are gone my mom and dad are gone. there’s been a fire, just please come and help me. I was so scared.”

What exactly happened remains unclear. During the interview, Matt Lauer posed the theory about how the girls thought Santa wouldn’t be able to get down the chimney if there are ashes and embers. Madonna says it’s not the truth, claiming she saw boyfriend Michael Borcina sweep the hearth. “I watched him take [the ashes] with his hand, then shovel and put them into the bag. I watched him put his hands in the bag to make sure there’s nothing on fire in the bag.”

She said she saw how the ashes in the brown paper bag were placed on top of the plastic bins they brought in and then placed in the mud room next door; she thought the bag with the ashes posed no danger.

In her grief, questions remain. Why didn’t the smoke alarm go off? Why was her house torn down the day after the blaze? Madonna intend to sue the city of Stamford.

“I need to know the truth.”

Her longer interview will air tonight at 10 p.m. on NBC’s Rock Center with Brian Williams.

Watch her interview below:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

– Lorraine Chow

More Badger Family news:

1. Madonna Badger Suing Stamford, Connecticut After Deadly Fire
2. Madonna Badger Not Attending Matthew’s Charity In Memory Of Daughters
3. Matthew Badger: Every Day Is A Constant Struggle & Reminder Of My Girls

New details have emerged from Madonna Badger‘s first-time interview with NBC’s Matt Lauer set to air on June 21.

The New York Post reports that Madonna has been a “raw nerve” since the horrific Christmas Day fire that engulfed her Stamford, Connecticut home that took the lives of nine-year-old Lily and seven-year-old twins Sarah and Grace, and her parents 71-year-old Lomer Johnson and 69-year-old Pauline Johnson.

“My doctors…told me that basically what had happened to me…is that you have these giant nerve endings that connect you and your children,” she said to Matt. ”But when a tragedy like this happens, it’s as if a knife comes and just severs those nerves, and they’re gone.”

She continued: “I’m a raw nerve basically. Obviously after six months, you know, you hope to grow the slightest bit of skin over the nerve.”

When asked how she’s been coping, Madonna replied “I mean, there’s really no way…Every day, I have to go through that day. And then another day starts. So really, it’s just one day at a time.”

Watch a preview clip of the interview to air on 10 P.M June 21 on the Rock Center with Brian Williams:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

– Lorraine Chow

More Badger Family news:

1. Madonna Badger Suing Stamford, Connecticut After Deadly Fire
2. Madonna Badger Not Attending Matthew’s Charity In Memory Of Daughters
3. Matthew Badger: Every Day Is A Constant Struggle & Reminder Of My Girls

Madonna Badger, who lost three young daughters and her parents in a tragic Christmas Day fire, has spoken out for the first time since the horrific incident.

Madonna, who has battled depression and attempted suicide, sobbed as she recalled running for her children, nine-year-old Lily and seven-year-old twins Sarah and Grace, and her parents 71-year-old Lomer Johnson and 69-year-old Pauline Johnson.

“[Firefighters] said I had to go right away and I begged them and begged them,” she told the TODAY show. “I’m yelling at them, “Where are my kids? Where are my babies?’”

Madonna went on: ‘Then somebody said, “Turn off the radios! Turn off the radios!” and then I knew that they must have – I don’t know what happened. Something really bad.’

Only she and her boyfriend, Michael Borcina, escaped the fire that ravaged her Stamford, Connecticut home.

Madonna is currently intending to sue the City of Stamford, claiming that they had demolished the home the day after the fire without her permission and destroying crucial evidence.

This is the first time the former Calvin Klein art director has spoken out since the tragedy. Her full interview with the Today show will air on the morning of June 21.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

– Lorraine Chow

More Badger Family news:

1. Madonna Badger Suing Stamford, Connecticut After Deadly Fire
2. Matthew Badger Haunted By Three Daughters’ Deaths
3. Madonna Badger Not Attending Matthew’s Charity In Memory Of Daughters

Madonna Badger lost her three children — 7-year-old twins Grace and Sarah and 9-year-old daughter Lily — as well as her parents in a Dec. 25 fire which destroyed her Stamford, Connecticut home. Now she’s suing the city for damage done AFTER the deadly blaze.

Madonna is suing for property damage, personal injury and civil rights violations, the Associated Press reports. She argues that the city didn’t properly compensate her or give her notice before they demolished the damaged home.

Madonna further insists that evidence to trace the start of the fire was also destroyed when the house was leveled.

The city is denying responsibility for the incident.

Do YOU think Madonna has a case, HollywoodLifers?

– William Earl

More Badger family news:

1. Matthew Badger: Every Day Is A Constant Struggle & Reminder Of My Girls
2. Matthew Badger Suing City Over House Fire That Killed His Three Daughters On Christmas
3. Matthew Badger Recalls His Last Moments With 3 Daughters Killed In A Fire

Matthew Badger will throw a charity event for a fund that honors the memory of his young daughters. The Badger family continues to mourn the loss of Lily, 9, 7-year-old twins Sarah and Grace, and their grandparents Lomer and Pauline Johnson who died on Christmas morning in their Connecticut home. 

“I think it’s going to be wonderful, because they always wanted to be on Broadway,” said Matthew to Page Six. A rep for the benefit confirmed to the publication that his ex-wife, Madonna Badger “knows about the event, but is unable to attend.”

Matthew created his Lily Sarah Grace Fund in April to raise support for the arts in schools. It was “a natural evolution out of grief,” he told Page Six. He has already raised $150,00 to honor his daughters’ memories and their love for art and their teachers at PS 3 and Windward School.

“Whatever I did, it had to be a reflection of Lily, Sarah and Grace’s personalities. They were all completely lovers of the arts. They were dancing and singing and constantly creating,” Matthew continued.

The event is set to take place on June 21 and will have performances by students from PS 3, Juilliard, and Ballet Tech. Attendees include Julianne Moore, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and more. Whoopi Goldberg will emcee.

– Lorraine Chow

More Matthew Badger news:

1. Matthew Badger: Every Day Is A Constant Struggle & Reminder Of My Girls
2. Matthew Badger Suing City Over House Fire That Killed His Three Daughters On Christmas
3. Matthew Badger Recalls His Last Moments With 3 Daughters Killed In A Fire