“I know it’s hard to accept, but J.R. Ewing is dead.” Those chilling words — spoken by some rando Mexican policewoman — set the stage for a truly depressing episode of Dallas, as the associates of Southfork, and the viewers who have been following J.R. (Larry Hagman) for more than 30 years, laid the TV icon to rest.

Even the opening title sequence was altered into a tribute to the late-great villain, with a down-tempo theme song and various glamour shots of J.R. His funeral also brought some of Southfork’s finest back to the ranch — including J.R.’s multiple ex-wives — to reminisce about the horrific good times.

J.R.’s Memorial Ends In A Fistfight

As with most memorials, tensions ran high: John Ross (Josh Henderson) lashed out at Pamela (Julie Gonzalo), Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) was once again tempted by booze, and Cliff Barnes (Ken Kercheval) showed up to make a scene like the crazy ass-hat that he is. Then the whole thing kind of dissolved into an all-out brawl, with John Ross and Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) uniting as one mighty fist of Ewing fury.

When John Ross wasn’t swinging his fists, he was sharing booze and pills and the backseat of a van with Emma (Emma Bell), a substance-fueled union that clearly won’t sit well with… probably anyone. In fact, most of the Ewings had a pretty crappy night, as Bobby (Patrick Duffy) got all up in Ann’s (Brenda Strong) face about keeping her daughter a secret from him.

Sue Ellen Makes A Drunken Speech At J.R.’s Funeral

J.R.’s actual funeral was nothing short of devastating. I held myself together through most of the speeches, but when Sue Ellen took to the podium, I just stopped trying. After admitting she was pretty drunk — nice, Sue Ellen — she read J.R.’s letter to her, in which he apologized for everything he’d ever done. As she wept over his grave, draped in an American flag, I legitimately felt Sue Ellen’s 30+ years of pain; and that’s saying a lot, considering I’ve never seen a minute of the original Dallas.

J.R.’s Killer Is Revealed — But Not To Everyone

So who shot J.R. this time? According to the authorities, J.R. met a fine-ass lady at a Mexican club, and the couple rendezvoused at a nearby hotel. On the record, J.R. was murdered by a random criminal, but a mysterious package sent to Bobby revealed his true killer. Bobby said the Ewings will “deal with it as a family,” so is it possible J.R. was finally done in by one of his own?

Meanwhile, that same mysterious package also revealed part of J.R.’s top-secret “masterpiece” plan. It turns out J.R. was in Abu Dhabi searching for Christopher’s mother, then went to Mexico to dig up dirt on Harris for Bobby. So, basically, J.R. really was kind of a good guy.

Deep down.

Way deep down.

HollywoodLifers, who do YOU think killed J.R. Ewing? And what did you think of his big send-off? Drop a comment with your review of the episode and your theories.

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

More Dallas news on HollywoodLife.com:

1. ‘Dallas’ Scoop: Brenda Strong Reveals More Dark Shadows From Ann’s Past
2. Larry Hagman Dead: ‘Dallas’ Star Dies Of Cancer At 81

Larry Hagman, a TV actor best known for his role as J.R. Ewing on Dallas, died on Friday Nov. 23.

Larry is survived by his wife of 54 years years, Maj Hagman, their two children and their grandchildren, according to People.

“When he passed, he was surrounded by loved ones,” his family said in a statement to the Dallas Morning News. “It was a peaceful passing, just as he had wished for. The family requests privacy at this time.”

“This is so sad. Larry was really someone who was loved by everyone,” Larry’s agent Joel Dean tells People. “Me especially. He was the most loving, wonderful, generous man. And he was a true trouper.”

In 2011, Larry announced he was diagnosed with stage 2 throat cancer. At the same time, Larry started filming the TNT reboot of Dallas, which is currently filming its second season. The show originally aired on CBS from 1978 to 1991.

“Larry was back in his beloved Dallas, re-enacting the iconic role he loved most,” added the family statement.

Dallas costars Linda Gray and Patrick Duffy were by Larry’s side when he passed away on Nov. 23.

Our thoughts go out to Larry’s family and friends during this difficult time.

— Chris Rogers

Follow
@ChrisRogers86
More Tragic Celebrity Deaths:

1. Whitney Houston Dead — Drugs Allegedly Found
2. Leslie Carter Dead — ‘House of Carters’ Star Dies At 25, Drugs Suspected
3. Amy Winehouse Dies At 27 — ‘Rehab’ Singer Found Dead In London Apartment

If I was J.R. Ewing (Larry Hagman), my enormous billowy eyebrows would have been raised for the entirety of Dallas‘ Aug. 8 season finale. A twisty mind-screw from start to finish, the episode wrapped up a stellar first season by leaving no dirty secret unexposed. It’s a good thing Bobby (Patrick Duffy) survived his brain aneurysm, because season two is going to be in-sane.

Here’s a quick rundown of last night’s “Revelations,” just in case you missed any:

>> Tommy is the one who got shot (and killed).

>> J.R. and John Ross’ (Josh Henderson) conspiracy to steal South Fork was exposed.

>> Anne (Brenda Strong) did a little striptease for Ryland — but only to reveal she was recording his confessions. (#SueEllenForMayor!)

>> Christopher (Jesse Metcalfe) came clean about his feelings for Elena (Jordana Brewster) and sort-of proposed to her — after she was (briefly) engaged to John Ross.

>> Rebecca (Julie Gonzalo) is actually Cliff Barnes’ daughter (!) and her real name may or may not be Pamela

Apparently fans of the original series predicted the Rebecca twist from the very beginning — read Julie’s interview with TVLine for more on that — but I was totally blindsided by the reveal that she’s actually a Barnes. I may have hated Rebecca at the beginning of the season (admit it, she was annoying) but I’m really excited to see what that crazy bi-atch has in store for us.

What was your favorite ‘revelation’ from the season finale? How do you think ‘Rebecca’ will get her revenge on the Ewings? Drop me a comment with your review of the episode and your theories about next season! 

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

More on Dallas:

1. ‘Dallas’ Premiere Drew 6.9 Million Viewers — Did You Love The Reboot?
2. Jordana Brewster’s Casual Waves: Get The Look