American Horror Story made its chilling return Oct. 17, and while some of the faces look the same, it’s clear we’re on a totally new — and wickedly horrific — journey. Good thing we have Jessica Lange, who might be television’s first sexy nun ever, to guide us through it!

Far from the Harmon’s haunted Los Angeles home, American Horror Story: Asylum takes us back in time to Briarcliff, an institute for the criminally insane in the 1960s. The season premiere found Briarcliff welcoming its latest high-profile resident, Kit “Bloody Face” Walker (Evan Peters), who was accused of killing his wife, then deemed crazy for claiming they’d both been abducted by aliens. The premiere left us wondering what really happened to Kit and his late wife, but regardless of how she really died, one thing is clear: Evan’s acting has somehow gotten even better since last season. He is perfection.

But not every Briarcliff resident belongs within the confines of its padded walls. Lana Winters (Sarah Paulson) was merely an intrepid lesbian journalist hoping for the scoop on Bloody Face, and when Sister Jude caught wind of her ulterior motives, she had her committed.

Speaking of Sister Jude, there’s a bit of a power struggle going on at Briarcliff. Monsignor Timothy Howard (Joseph Fiennes) is technically Sister Jude’s superior, but she’s too preoccupied by her unnerving desire to rip his clothes off. (Yeah, she’s that kind of nun.) Plus, she has serious reservations about Dr. Arthur Arden (James Cromwell), Briarcliff’s new doctor — who may or may not be a Nazi.

There’s also a present-day story line going on between newlyweds Leo (Adam Levine) and Teresa (Jenna Dewan Tatum), a frisky pair determined to have sex in only the spookiest of locations — which, of course, includes what’s left of Briarcliff. And as a thank-you for appeasing her ghostly fetish, she kindly told him, “You can totally put it in my a** right now.” (So romantic!)

Granted, their sexy plans go awry when a mysterious something rips off Leo’s arm, and Teresa finds herself in the presence of Bloody Face!

American Horror Story: Asylum differs from last season on a number of levels, but what I found most surprising was that it seemed to value story over spooks — at least on the premiere. I feel like we learned more about Briarcliff and its residents in this first episode than we did about the Harmon family on last season’s premiere, leaving less room for scary surprises. Or have I just become desensitized?

Drop us a comment with YOUR review of last night’s premiere!

— Andy Swift

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